Indignities

This morning, I woke up with bags under my eyes.

Truthfully, I've not really understood the meaning of "bags under the eyes" before now.
But I woke up this morning, and my eyes looked as if they had packed to go on a TransContinental trip for a month.
The upper lids were hanging droopily,
the lower bags were puffed up like nothing I have ever seen.
The two practically met in the middle.
In sad little slits, my blue-green eyes peered our mournfully, gazing at the mirror.
"Who are you?" they asked, in a pathetic, yet horrified tone.
I had no answer.

I remember, in the halcyon days before I turned 40,
I had a dear friend who would complain mightily about whiskers sprouting from her chin.
WHAT?? I would think to myself. That is GROSS!!
I am so glad that doesn't happen to ME!
And then.. one day..
I took my shower as I do every day
and then peered groggily into the mirror through my then-bagless-eyes.
With a start, I leaned in more closely and then, I kid you not, I actually YELPED in surprise and horror.
There, springing directly from my chin, was a thickish, longish BLACK WHISKER.

WHAT THE HELL???

I slid as quickly as I could over to the tweezers,
plucked that bad boy out and began a frantic examination of every part of my face.
Were there any more? How had that happened??

I've since discovered that whiskers are sneaky.
SUPER SNEAKY!
They pop out seemingly overnight.
I won't have one for a long time and then BAM!
If I don't check for them every single morning,
I just might head out the door with a big ole black whisker greeting the world.

The final injustice has been back pain.
I pulled my back out a few months ago.. SLEEPING.
I woke up and was like a turtle on his back, flailing in pain.
As long as I kept moving during the day I was fine but each night, it would reset.
Finally, I was forced to take a muscle relaxant for two nights to get over it.
I was like a drooling imbecile during the day those two days but it did the trick.

I wasn't alone in this however.
Rob was BRUSHING HIS TEETH a few weeks ago
when there was a sudden yelp of pain.
Yep, the twang had happened to him too.
He hitched through his day and came home, miserable,
for about five days before he too succumbed to a muscle relaxer for a night.

Ah, the indignities of aging!
Tell me, what have you experienced that I get to look forward to?