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Sunday, March 18, 2012


This morning, I woke up with bags under my eyes.

Truthfully, I've not really understood the meaning of "bags under the eyes" before now.
But I woke up this morning, and my eyes looked as if they had packed to go on a TransContinental trip for a month.
The upper lids were hanging droopily,
the lower bags were puffed up like nothing I have ever seen.
The two practically met in the middle.
In sad little slits, my blue-green eyes peered our mournfully, gazing at the mirror.
"Who are you?" they asked, in a pathetic, yet horrified tone.
I had no answer.

I remember, in the halcyon days before I turned 40,
I had a dear friend who would complain mightily about whiskers sprouting from her chin.
WHAT?? I would think to myself. That is GROSS!!
I am so glad that doesn't happen to ME!
And then.. one day..
I took my shower as I do every day
and then peered groggily into the mirror through my then-bagless-eyes.
With a start, I leaned in more closely and then, I kid you not, I actually YELPED in surprise and horror.
There, springing directly from my chin, was a thickish, longish BLACK WHISKER.


I slid as quickly as I could over to the tweezers,
plucked that bad boy out and began a frantic examination of every part of my face.
Were there any more? How had that happened??

I've since discovered that whiskers are sneaky.
They pop out seemingly overnight.
I won't have one for a long time and then BAM!
If I don't check for them every single morning,
I just might head out the door with a big ole black whisker greeting the world.

The final injustice has been back pain.
I pulled my back out a few months ago.. SLEEPING.
I woke up and was like a turtle on his back, flailing in pain.
As long as I kept moving during the day I was fine but each night, it would reset.
Finally, I was forced to take a muscle relaxant for two nights to get over it.
I was like a drooling imbecile during the day those two days but it did the trick.

I wasn't alone in this however.
Rob was BRUSHING HIS TEETH a few weeks ago
when there was a sudden yelp of pain.
Yep, the twang had happened to him too.
He hitched through his day and came home, miserable,
for about five days before he too succumbed to a muscle relaxer for a night.

Ah, the indignities of aging!
Tell me, what have you experienced that I get to look forward to?


Ann said...

Leeann, you have a ways to go to catch up with me! Biggest indignity is when I am talking to younger people and they start complaining about older people (i.e. driving, opinions...) and they say "oh you know, people who are XX age" (intentionally left blank to protect my dignity) and I AM XX age! And eventually the bags do not go away...

Natalie said...

I'm totally cracking up. It's so true. I'm still plucking out the gray hairs one by one, but my friend told me I need to stop that. I cannot.

Marianna said...

I was going back through some old posts of mine and found a comment you had left and decided to visit you again! So glad I did because boy can I identify! I have two of those black hairs and must be hyper vigilant about keeping them plucked. It's quite annoying really. Thankfully I've avoided back's why I keep doing yoga! And let's not even talk about the gray hair :))