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Thursday, June 7, 2007

Just a Mammal Serving Mama

Generally speaking,
I am a nice mom.

I easily cover the basics.
My kids have shelter;
hell, they even have their own rooms.
They have clothing,
some of it highly unfashionable
or stained or second hand
but hey, their butts are covered.

Heck, they even get three square meals a day.

Not only that, this week they each got to pick
a favorite dinner.

With it being pool season
(and it being the BEGINNING of pool season, no less)
I am at my nicest and most generous.

So, Kate had two friends from her grade
come over to swim today after school.
As it always happens, we lost track of time
out there in the sun
and suddenly it was dinnertime,
so I invited her two friends to stay for the meal.

Now, what do you remember from being a child
and having dinner at friends' houses?

If you were like me,
you ate what you were given, used good manners
said Thank you and were forbidden to gag,
no matter what they were serving up.
It was the American Way.

Not any more, baby.

Now, Kate's best friend has a lot of food intolerances or allergies.
This, I know.
She is such a good friend, though, that we keep her around. :-)
So, since tonight's dinner was sausage and cheese quiche (homemade),
blueberry muffins and fresh fruit,
I knew I was going to have to come up with an alternate plan for her.
She is a no wheat, no eggs, no cheese kid.
So I rummaged around and came up with a plan.

As I am fixing Clarissa's meal,
Kate's other friend pipes up.

"Excuse me, what is in the quiche?"

"Um, it's sausage and cheese," I reply.


I look over to see the girl looking at the slice of quiche
in consternation
her fork hovering above the plate.

She looks up.

"I'm sorry" she says, "but I don't eat mammal."

Okay, um, WHAT?
You don't eat MAMMAL?

I am standing there
trying to remember
fourth grade science
and what the hell animals
qualify as mammals.

Ones who don't lay eggs?
Ones who give birth to live young?
I don't remember.

The only thing I could think of
is that she couldn't eat Beluga whales.

Not helpful at this moment.

"Okay," said I, "no mammal."
"What do you eat?"

"I eat poultry, and seafood!" she answered brightly.

I refrained from just telling her to bite me.

Not to rip on this kid too much,
she is actually a very nice kid.
I like her.
I fed her.

I'm nice that way.

Long story short, this was dinner at our house:

my kids:
mammal quiche, blueberry muffins, fruit.
Clarissa- pan fried cube steak, fruit, pop tart.
Helen- scrambled eggs with cheese, blueberry muffins, fruit.

Who knew it was so damn hard
to just have a friend over for dinner??


Robin said...

Don't you miss those days when you ate what was put in front of you...and you did what you were told...??
Great blog...Thank you for sharing it with me.

MOM said...

That was really funny!!!! Especially the mammal part. Where do kids come up with these ideas? Next time, sweetie, just order a mammal free pizza for all!! Oh that's right, Clarissa. Well, you'll have to have a "saved" tv dinner with her name on it. You did a great job--don't think I would have been that patient!! Could your new processor have something to do with it?? LOL
I'm STILL laughing....