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Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Spring Break Travels, part one

Yes, indeedy, ladies and gentlemen
this is a multi part post.

Over the next few days
(or whenever I get it all posted)
you will see
Cherry Blossoms!
Historic Monuments from our Nation's Capitol!

Children forced to pose
in front of said monuments
over and over again.

There will be no pictures
of the whining, tearful
and bedraggled children
after miles of walking.

Because I like you.

Then, there will be pictures
of splashing!
water slides!
Fun here in the Shenandoah area
of Virginia.

Following that,
hopefully you will be treated
to the inspiring sights
of Luray Cavern.

Finally, we will head into
Easter weekend
with eggs and bunny hunts

Oh, gag.

Today's post:

Going to see the Cherry Blossoms in
Washington, DC.

With a great deal of excitement,
I told the kids we were going back
into the city today
(D.C., see previous post)

But this time,
after two HOURS of hellish traffic
on Connecticut Avenue yesterday,
we were going to take the
Whoo hoo!

Yep, no one is gonna hit *me*
with the stupid stick twice!

So off we go,
we are EXCITED!

The kids get their seats
and we are off on our journey.

We ride,

switch trains,

ride some more

and Lo and Behold,
we made it to our stop
at the Smithsonian
without a single incident.

Now *I* am excited!

But wait, two little boys
have to use the bathroom.
One, in particular,
is doing the potty dance
somewhat frantically,
in the middle of the Mall
in D.C.

(and if you think I mean
a shopping mall,
stop reading.
You don't deserve to be here.)

This child has me quite convinced
that if he doesn't get to a potty
in T minus ten and counting,
he will spray me and
everyone in a ten mile radius
with ten gallons of pee.

No way is THAT happening to me...
at least not at the nation's capitol.

So we scope out the area.
No port-a-potties anywhere to be seen.

Refreshment tents are set up,
but no potties.

Quick, cross this street!
Head towards the Smithsonian!
Look, it is the Museum of American History!

We can't find an unlocked door anywhere.

We must be doing something horribly wrong
but there is no time to think.

My youngest child is now in epileptic fits
driven by the insane urge to

in disgrace
and shame
I admit.

I let my son pee on the back of the Smithsonian.

I am going to hell.

I let both my boys pee on the back of the Smithsonian.

Do you think I have to go to hell twice?

Thus greatly relieved,
with a spring in their step,
we head off to the land of the Cherry Blossoms.

Here's a teaser pic,
more to come tomorrow!


Richard Lewis said...

You should always go to the front door. It's the one marked "Entrance." Ha!

Your story reminded of a time when I attended a professional soccer match in Slovakia. One of many. But this one was in a town called Trnava. Basic outdoor stadium, nothing special in its architecture. But it really came alive at halftime when hundreds of men would go down the stairs, line up under the bleachers and pee their little kidneys out. Of course, I did the same; needed to get rid of the beer. The experience was thrilling -- until I returned to my seat and spent the entire second half sniffing urine baking in the sun and wafting from the ground below.


MOM said...

I await the sequel... Good thing you and Katie didn't have to go that second too!! Love all of you.