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Monday, April 2, 2007

I could be RICH!


If I owned a video camera
and if I had taken it today
to the National Zoo in DC
I could be a very, very rich woman.

But I don't own one
that works.

Oh my gosh,
it was so funny
and so gross.

There we were,
Kate and her friend Clarissa,
Chris and Trey
and me.

We had each picked an area
we wanted most to see.
Chris picked Amazonia,
Trey picked the Invertebrate House,
Clarissa picked Seals and Sea Lions.

Kate picked the gift shop.

Is this really my child?

Some days I just don't know.

Anyway, I picked the Ape House.
I love me a good gorilla.

DC has a good orangutan exhibit.
They have wires suspended above
the walkways and if you are lucky
an orangutan or two will swing along above you
while you walk.

You just have to hope
that none of them
need to take a dump.

So.

We go skipping off to the Ape House
and nothing much is happening.
It is pretty dull.
There are a couple of orangutans
hanging out and eating bits of hay
or whatever it was.

I noticed that just outside the doors
there was a viewing window
and an orangutan was right up at the window
looking out.

So I grabbed the kids and we ran out the doors
to get a good look.

Oh my.
Did we get a good look.

Right in front of us,
mere inches from our faces,
was an orangutan.

He looked at us
and then languidly picked up a small piece of hay
and munched on it.

He was :::::thisclose:::::.

THEN.
Oh yes, THEN.....

He opens his mouth
and
VOMITS
ON
THE
WINDOW.

A nice smear of vomit
vertically,
like a line of coke to be snorted.

Looks like he had some corn.

But wait!
Stop your gagging
and pay attention!

The show must go on!!

The orangutan then
sticks out his long tongue
showing us his big yellow teeth
and begins
LICKING
THE
VOMIT
OFF
THE
WINDOW
AND.
EATING.
IT.

Okay,
you have
NEVER
and I do mean
NEVER
seen anything quite as nasty
as a wide open
orangutan mouth
LOVINGLY
and
SLOWLY
licking his
steaming,
fresh
vomit
off a window

::::::::thisclose::::::::

to your face.

I am still kind of gagging
thinking of it.

Definitely worth
the sixteen dollars
in parking.

BONUS:
Go to this YouTube site
to see the exact same orangutan
in action:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bhWL5LXqMY

1 comment:

Pam said...

Okay ... that is nasty. Here's another disgusting zoo story. When we were in San Diego last month, we stopped by the giraffe exhibit. There were three giraffes: daddy, momma and baby. They are reaching their long necks up to the feeder to munch on the hay, or whatever it is they eat... Then Momma Giraffe has to "go" and let loose a stream of urine - a looooong stream of urine. Momma's body is probably six feet off the ground. Well, that's bad enough, but then Daddy Giraffe steps up to the stream. He gives her rear end a nice stiff then proceeds to stick his long tongue into the urine stream and drink it!!!!
Fortunately, there was a zoo guide nearby and he explained that it's a natural giraffe behavior called "phlegming" and that the
Daddy giraffe is basically doing a kind of ovulation test to see if Momma is ready to mate. Still ... ick.