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Thursday, March 8, 2007

Overwhelmed


I might have officially bitten off
more than I can chew.

Now there's a shocker.
just kidding

But seriously,
I am losing it here.

Taking care of three kids-
check

taking care of the fourth kid
I mean husband
check

housework, laundry
grocery shopping
car maintenance
speech class
volunteering
Check, check, check

Taking care of a 90 pound
Bernese mountain dog-
check.

Trying to potty train
and teach an 11 pound puppy
while doing all of the above
halfway decently....

SNAP!!

Yes, that was the sound of the straw
breaking the proverbial camel's back.

I researched this.
I thought about it for months,
researched breeds,
considering rescue dogs
visited the shelter frequently.

This was not an impulse decision.

However, it does seem to be the decision
that is sending me right over the brink of sanity
into the dark abyss.

Last night I went out with my husband
to a nice dinner and to see
the show Spamalot.
We have been looking forward to this for months.

What did I do?

I sat at the dinner table,
in a restaurant,
in public,
and
BURST
INTO
TEARS.

and kept crying
while my husband looked at me
in utter shock.

Anyone who has known me for any length of time
knows that I am a yeller,
perhaps,
but not a crier.

Especially not a public crier.

So for me to do this
it is really, really bad.

I feel like a giant loser
that I honestly feel that I can't handle this
that I have made a mistake
in getting this puppy.

I hate feeling like a loser
or that I am letting my kids down.

I have to make a decision on what I need to do
what I can handle
and what I have to realize I cannot.

So which kid should I give up?

Just kidding,
again.

Humor in the face of
being overwhelmed.

This is one of those instances
when I should have listened to my brother.

He told me not to do it
that it would be too much.

I, of course,
had to do the opposite
because that is what little sisters do
to big brothers.

Now he better not
say
I told you so.

2 comments:

Gina said...

((((Leeann))))

This will pass. You will train the puppy or you will decide he needs to go to another home. Either way you will be fine, the kids will be fine (maybe a little disappointed but they still have Gracie), your house will recover, and the carpet cleaning guy will have a better month thanks to you. Mothers can't be perfect at everything and trying to be eventually makes us crazy. We will fail at something and ultimately it's better if we get to chose what that thing is. Give yourself permission to make a choice and stop feeling guilty.

I have had many moments of panic thinking about bringing a puppy into this house. I guess I'm letting Bob decide where I'm going to fail.. maybe I should go buy a carpet cleaner..

Hang in there. I love you.

gina

Richard Lewis said...

Big brother here. No way I'm engaging in "I told you so." Uh-uh. I know better. See, I've matured (a little).

Because I know what goes around comes around. And with any luck (and God willing), there will be a lot coming around with family expansion one of these days. And since you have three children and serious experience, I would be an utter fool to take a gratuitous swipe at you.

I'll need your advice and help about a lot more than a puppy.