My Main Man

I have been feeling so grateful lately for my husband.

Like most couples, we have our ups and downs.
We go days when we hardly see each other and then, when we do, we are tired and petty.
We snark at each other, unload our stress on each other, say things we shouldn't.
I find that those things happen when we haven't been spending time together- when we slip into the "two ships in the night" routine.
Sometimes it can't be helped- he is working late or traveling. I'm feeling run down with keeping up with the kids alone. He comes home tired and I'm tired and beyond offering sympathy.

But honestly, we have more good times than bad times.

When I look at him, I see our past:
Students in college, classes, law school.
Studying, making macaroni and cheese from a box with some deli ham and feeling like we were the bomb, making a real dinner.
A wedding, a honeymoon, first apartment, making a life together.

I hear a symphony of music, decades long- songs we danced to, songs we cried to.
Songs that bring to mind the loss of grandparents, the births of children.
Songs that cause us to reach out to each other and hold hands as we imagine a future rife with travel and giggling grandchildren.

Lately we are finding ourselves moved to tears.
Anything having to do with the passage of time, loss,
the normal progression of ages and stages that have our children continuing to grow on their journey away from us and into lives and relationships of their own.

The other night, Rob rolled over in his sleep and his hand touched mine.
Sound asleep, his hand grasped mine in a warm embrace.
He lifted it gently to his lips and brushed it with a kiss before releasing it, never waking.

I wept softly beside him, that he loves me so much and so deeply, even in his sleep.

I want this man beside me all of my life.
I want to watch our children continue to grow up and move into their own lives.
I want to travel the world with him, welcome grandchildren with him.

As we were walking tonight, we passed a house with a front porch.
He knew my thoughts before I even said them: "I want a porch. I wish we had a porch!"
He looked at me and smiled. "You'll have a porch one day, at the old folks' home" he said and I smiled back up at him.
As long as he's rocking in the chair beside me, I can wait.