My Kid Speaks Swahili!

I have once again managed to get yet another cold.

Honestly, I feel like I have been sick every weekend
for the past two months.
I don't know if I am just too busy and run down
or if it has to do with keeping a baby
or what but damn!

So, last night (Friday night),
I doped myself up on some Nyquil
(which no, I did NOT throw at my husband,
thank you very much!)
and managed to fall asleep sometime around 1 AM.

Just before 7 AM on Saturday,
I am WRENCHED out of a very deep sleep
by a sudden, loud noise.

I open my eyes
to see Chris standing at the side of my bed.

He fixes his big blue eyes on me,
opens his mouth
and begins to talk-cry,
very loud and very fast.

I stare dumbly at him,
still half asleep.
My eyes, since my Lasik surgery,
are dry and cloudy until I put drops in them in the morning,
so I am trying to see what he is saying by watching his mouth
but it is like looking through a thin cloth.

His mouth is open and moving but honestly,
it sounds as if the boy is talk-crying in some kind
of jibberish foreign language.

I have NO IDEA what his problem is.

"Huuuh, whaaa" I mutter at the moving mouth.

It pauses, he blinks rapidly for a moment
and then the mouth opens again
and the torrent resumes,
this time louder and higher in pitch.
This time I am able, with great concentration,
to make out the words "mouth, teeth
and HUUUUUUUURRRRTS!"

It dawns on me that his new retainer is hurting his teeth.

I swing my legs out of bed and stagger to the floor,
still blinking through my hazy eyes,
and lead him to the bathroom.
I bang around in the medicine chest,
find him an ibuprofen, administer it
and send the jungle child back on his way.

I crawl back into the bed,
my mind and heart racing from the Swahili-yelling child.

I swear I never read about stuff like this in Parents magazine.