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Thursday, January 25, 2007

Men are from Mars

You know, I have always thought that book is bull crap. At least partly.

Well, after tonight, I think John Gray is a genius.

I think he is a bit creepy and I wouldn't want to be alone in a room with him, but he must be brilliant.

My dear husband demonstrated tonight that men are not only from Mars, but also have a death wish.

Let me set the stage:

The kids had no school on Monday. Trey isn't feeling quite well so he is whiney. My husband has been working late the past two nights, consistently getting home too late to assist in getting the kids ready and into bed. But with plenty of time to watch TV.

I have been known to do this last part too, so I won't shoot darts just yet.

Okay, so tonight he is going to be home. I am cooking a nice dinner: grilled chicken (grilled outside in 25* weather, mind you), broccoli, rice, yeast rolls. I have generously offered to let my 11 year old daughter make cupcakes for dessert. This requires gritting my teeth through substantial mess making.

We won't even go into the fact that we cooked them for an extra 20 minutes and the insides never cooked.
What she could have done to them, I will never know. :-/

So Rob (dh) gets home 30 mins late, dinner is on the table, the kids are wild to see their dad and mayhem ensues.

After dinner, I need some time alone. Just some quiet.
To decompress.
To relax.
To avoid manslaughter charges.

I come upstairs to my trusty laptop.
A few minutes later, my Dh walks in.

"I have a proposal" he says.

My husband is an attorney.
I am immediately suspicious.

"Rob" I said, being the complete bitch that I am but totally trying to protect him,
"Let me tell you something.
I am tired.
I am burned out.
Think long and hard about what you are about to say.
If I have 30 minutes or so of quiet, I might be more receptive."

He lays there on the bed and thinks for a moment.

Then, all reason just left the man. Honestly, I can't imagine any one in their right mind saying this after being given fair and just warning.

Like I said, he is a lawyer. Maybe that explains it.

A Martian Lawyer.

He looks at me and says "I was thinking that we could have Charlie over to spend the night this weekend."


Did he just suggest adding another child when I just told him I was at the end of my rope?

Yes, people, he did.

I think if I had killed him, it could have justifiably been self defense, for surely the man was deranged.
Out of his head.
Stark raving mad.

My friends call this behavior being a Fucktard, but that just isn't nice.
Quite possibly true in this case. But still.

Rather than committing the crime, I put my hands over my eyes, shook my head and then just sat there. Shortly thereafter he came to his senses, said "Maybe not" and crept out of the room.

I am already relaxing, calming down, chilling out.
Having Charlie over might be fun.

But Geez Louise, do we need to talk about timing.

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