Real life from the crack of dawn....
Friday, January 25, 2013
There are some things that I just won't miss.
I love my kids. I really love them, and the vast majority of the time I like being with them.
Exceptions to this include when they are in a crappy mood, when they are bickering over stupid meaningless shit, and when they are actively vomiting.
However, I find myself every now and again adding another item to
THE LIST OF THINGS I WON'T MISS.
Now, we all know the old folks who look at us when we are complaining about the messy kitchen when we just cleaned it up for the millionth time and say in a sage voice "You're going to miss this."
I call bullshit.
You may miss the fun and laughter of kids, but I guarantee that you do not miss cleaning up someone else's mess twenty times a day. You do not miss that.
No, you do not.
You miss what it REPRESENTS but you do not miss cleaning the mess unless you are just wrong in the head.
Anyway, some recent additions to my list:
I will not miss sharing my bathroom with random children who just walk in and use it-
this includes the subitems of:
*I will not miss having boys who pee with the seat down and drip, no matter how many times they insist they don't. My butt begs to differ.
*I will not miss kids who use my jacuzzi tub but forget to bring their own towel and then use mine.
*I will not miss kids who use my jacuzzi tub, period.
Case in point-
This past week, I prepared to take a lovely, calming midday bath.
I had a tumbler of ice water.
I had my Kindle.
As I started to fill the tub with hot water, the bubbles started.
Crazy amounts of bubbles, filling what had been an empty tub.
I reached in and felt around- the tub was coated with dried shampoo.
I was PISSED. I spent the next ten minutes scrubbing the tub to remove the shampoo.
Clearly, a small boy who shall remain nameless had created a bobsled course using my tub.
I cursed and scrubbed, scrubbed and cursed.
Finally satisfied, I hopped in to take my bath.
What I almost took was a trip to the Emergency Room.
Yes, no matter how I had scrubbed, there was still a fine layer of shampoo remaining.
My arms wheeled in circles as I scrambled to keep from falling down.
The safest thing to do was just sit, so I did with a splash.
As the tub filled, the bubbles grew and grew.
Apparently the shampoo was in the nozzles of the jets and who knows what else.
It was just going to have to run its course.
I read, I soaked, I grumbled.
After a while, as I grumbled, I kind of slid around, creating new bubbles.
And lo and behold, after a while I realized I was kind of having fun sliding around in the tub.
It made it hard to read but really, it was sort of fun. Who knew?
I still say there are things that won't miss.
But maybe, on occasion, a little slalom course in the tub might be okay.