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Thursday, July 31, 2008

Thoughts on Parenting

Going back through my archives recently,
I found some posts that I had never published.
This is one.
It begs the question:
How much of one's personality should be altered to meet the desires of another?

Parenting is so subjective.

There are so many things to do right
so many things that we do wrong.

So many things we won't know how we did
until years later

and some things that are just going to be what they are
no matter what you do
because ultimately people are people
and have their own personalities
and their own wishes.

When it comes to parenting
sometimes it is hard to know
when to do what you think is right
and when to take the input of others into consideration.

Someone recently told me that my last born
gets away with too much.
And that he isn't as open or affectionate as he could be.
That when this person asks for a hug or a kiss
they should get it
and not be pushed away.

I was bothered by it then and I am bothered by it still.

I am not sure why I can't shake this off.

Is it because he is my baby and I find it hard to hear negative things about him?
I'm sure there is some truth to that.
Although I had his conference today with his preschool teacher
and I think I see him pretty clearly.

Is it because I have always hated
being told to say things or do things that I don't feel comfortable doing or saying
like the knee jerk "I love you too" response.

Does being polite or respectful
mean putting your own wishes
about personal space or feelings aside?

1 comment:

Ginaagain said...

If someone complained that one of my children was not polite, or unkind, I would be concerned and I would work to fix the problem because I consider these basic social skills that they need to use in every situation. However, affection and openness are not traits that I consider basic social skills, they are natural consequences of a positive, trusting relationship. I would never tell my children that they are required to hug or kiss someone they don't feel comfortable with because it will hurt that person's feelings if they don't. It teaches them not to trust their own feelings.

If your youngest was not affectionate to anyone there would cause for concern, of course, but I know that's not the case. He simply doesn't trust that person enough to feel comfortable and his feelings should be respected.