So I lay there for a while,
wondering if I was really in labor with you or not.
I really didn't want to embarrass myself
and show up only to be sent back home.
And let's face it. I was SKEEEERED!
I woke up your dad, told him
"Honey, I think I'm in labor
but you can go back to sleep"
Like he would be going back to sleep!
He pretty much started freaking out.
We were both pretty much freaking out.
At a decent time the next morning,
we headed on over to the hospital.
I was indeed in labor.
Very minor, wimpy,
not producing much action labor.
That scared me even more.
THIS is minor labor?
We got put into a room
where I got on my silly little hospital gown
(what a pointless piece of material that is!)
and then an additional one behind it for modesty-
and we started walking the halls.
And I was the parody of every pregnant, laboring chick
you have ever seen.
Waddling down the hall,
periodically gasping and grabbing the wall,
swaying side to side and moaning quietly.
Then slowly becoming upright to resume
the shuffle-waddle again.
After a while, I was really hurting.
I was checked again and...
Crap, this was totally unfair!
I was starting to think I couldn't do it
and I was getting really tense and miserable.
After consulting with dad,
the nurses gave me a shot of some kind of narcotic,
probably demerol or something like that,
to chill me the hell out.
And it did work.
I calmed down, probably slept
(I have no recollection!)
and lo and behold, when I was checked a couple of hours later,
I had progressed to about 6 centimeters.
At this point I felt an epidural was in order.
I know there are women who do it naturally
but I'm not one of the ones who ever had the desire to try.
I had nothing to prove!
Oh Lordy, what heaven on earth is the epidural!
I remember the nurses and anesthesiologist wanted daddy to leave the room
so they could give me the epidural.
I did NOT want daddy to go!
He assured them that he had done some work in hospitals
and that he wouldn't pass out.
And then he passed out.
No, he really didn't, I was just kidding.
He did great, I got the epidural,
was put on pitocin and had my water broken-
and I was soon blissfully in and out of napping
and trying to rest.
Around 8:30 PM or so,
I was checked and declared ready for action.
The time had come for you to make your debut!
But not so fast.
One hour of pushing.
Two hours of pushing.
Three hours of pushing, an exhausted mommy,
a decelerating heartbeat and meconium.
The doctor, in a last ditch attempt,
tried using the vacuum extractor.
He would attach this suction cup to your head,
plant his feet and PUUUULLLLL.
People were shouting for me to PUSH!
but after three hours and nearly 24 hours of labor,
I had nothing left to give.
An emergency C-section was called,
I was rushed to the ER with daddy close behind,
getting robed up.
Within moments, we were in surgery
and, in my haze, I vaguely recall daddy's excited shout
And there you were.
our first born child,