Is It Morning Already?

Homes and Friends

2012-02-17T15:56:00.005-05:00

My family and I have been living in our current home for seven and a half years.
This is the longest I have ever lived in any one home (continuously) in my life.

I have lived in many homes since college.
An apartment that backed to beautiful woods in Tennessee,
then a rented townhouse in an area that our elders considered practically a ghetto;
where police cars were a common occurrence, along with music at loud volumes with a pulsing bass beat.
But, we were on our own and paying rent and we were heady with our success.

Then, in North Carolina, a cute little rented brick townhome that was my daughter's first residence.
Rob would walk in the door each evening and I would greet him with a red-faced screaming infant in my arms.
I would thrust her at him, turn on my heel and disappear to my bedroom to cry hot tears into my pillow.
This is where we would take the squalling little tyrant-infant on walks in a Snugglie,
numb with exhaustion.
It was on one of these walks that we passed by another young couple, on a walk with their happy, smiling infant in a stroller. The mother smiled at me with a Madonna smile and sighed, "Isn't this the best time of your life?"
I wanted TO. KILL. HER.
If I were not too sleep deprived, I would sprinted after her and GIVEN her my infant.

Not long after that, Kate began to smile, to suck her thumb, to jump in her Johnny Jump Up
and I began to get small glimmers as to what that woman could have possibly meant.
Then, a small unassuming rented rancher in a North Carolina suburb.
Our family life really began to crystallize there- a toddler who learned to crawl.
A lovely screened porch where she would play, while I learned about email in the adjoining family room.
Playgroups, Barney videos and Mom's Clubs and finally, I truly began to feel like a mother.
Looking back now, I can see that I was in a mild depression when I had Kate and my life was turned upside down.
All my friends worked, I knew no other mothers and had no idea what to do with this infant who seemed to scream ALL THE TIME.
I pulled myself up enough to make the effort to reach out.. and made some of my closest friends.

Then, a move up the coast and to our current state.
We've bounced around a bit here too:
a rented townhouse while we got the lay of the land,
then our first foray into home ownership with our very own townhouse.
Again, rich memories of excitement and anticipation as it was built.
Baby Chris being born and coming home.
A toddler and an infant playing in the finished basement with the gas fireplace crackling
or Kate running round and round the island of our large country kitchen
with a bald baby Chris tearing after her,
hell on wheels in his little walker.
Such a very sweet time.

Then, I was pregnant with Trey and our townhouse was feeling very small.
Time to move on up!
Again, giddy anticipation as our first REAL, single family home was built.
In many ways, this was probably my favorite HOUSE.
It had its drawbacks to be certain, but the large bedrooms, roomy bathrooms and finished basement
were perfect for our family.
And in that home we became a family of three kids and two adults.

Our lives were hectic and busy but again, a sweet time.
Kate and Chris had best friends that lived right next door.
This was both a blessing and a curse.
This neighborhood had TONS of kids in it.
So many that with two bus stops in our neighborhood, the entire bus was completely full,
sometimes with three kids to a seat.
The great thing: tons of kids to play with.
The downside: houses crammed together with no privacy and kids who were always off playing with their friends.
We literally could not pull into the driveway before kids would be coming over.
Sometimes there were kids already in our backyard before we even GOT home!

And then, our last move.
Our current home with lots of trees and lots of privacy.
A home in an established neighborhood with folks that have been here for all the years since the houses were built.
On the flip side, a neighborhood with next-to-no kids.

For the past six years or so, there have been few if any kids for my kids to play with.
Chris especially used to cry about how much he missed his friends William and Cameron
and I felt awful to moving him to a neighborhood with no kids.
Oh, the guilt!
But then, I noticed something happening.

Chris, having no other same age peers, began to notice and play with Trey.
The two boys quickly became fast and close friends
and I realized that had we stayed in our previous neighborhood, with all the kids,
our kids would have had many friends but would probably not be terribly close to EACH OTHER.

And now, seven years later, I look out my bedroom window on this unseasonably warm February day.
Four boys are playing basketball- my 13 and 10 year old sons, and two other boys that have somehow found us
and become friends.
The doorbell rings again regularly now with various boys looking for a pickup game of basketball or to throw a football or baseball around.
And I am so pleased.
Pleased that there are kids from the neighborhood who come over and play
but also deeply pleased that my boys, who are friends and brothers, go out and play with them.. together.

Detention Nightmares

2012-02-14T09:02:00.002-05:00

One of the things that I marvel at about my two older children is that they are natural born Rule Followers.

This was in evidence even when they were young.
If I told them not to do something, that was that.
Not to say for one moment that these are perfect kids or that their rule following tendencies don't sometimes get run over by their desire to have or do something, but for the most part, if a line is drawn in the sand, they are pretty respectful of that line.

Not everyone is born like this.
Not that I know this personally.
AHEM.

Anyway, I was driving the two olders to school today
and listening Kate and Chris complaining about two teachers at their school
who have gotten "Detention Happy."

There was a small gasp from Chris, in the backseat.
"They are giving out DETENTIONS for that?

"Yes!" responded Kate, "and it goes on your PERMANENT RECORD!"

Chris flops back in his seat, stunned.

I tried to cover my laughter with a cough, but Kate caught on.

"MOM! Getting a detention is a BIG deal! Remember that time I got a detention for walking around the halls of the school for play practice in ninth grade?"

I wracked my brain and found a vague memory of having to sign a slip from the Assistant Principal.

Kate went on, a vague note of hysteria in her voice:
"That freaked me out SO BAD! I had nightmares for more than a week about it! I dreamed that I was getting all these detentions and I couldn't go to college because I had all these detentions..!"

I looked over at her, my eyes wide and mouth agape. I had no idea that she had freaked out over the detention. I remember thinking it was a stupid detention in the first place!

That Crappy Bunny

2012-02-12T21:28:00.003-05:00

So I was reading my Google Reader tonight and an entry on my brother's blog popped up.

Smiling, I read his tale of his three year old son Nathaniel asking his Daddy where the Easter Bunny lived (he replied Bunny Land but was then stumped when further queried about an exact geographical location.)

This brought back one of my most irreverent Easter memories.

When Kate was small, she had an EXTREME fear of people in costume.

Rob and I didn't know it until she caught sight of a man dressed up as Santa when she was 17 months old.
At that time, our busily running toddler caught sight of the man in the red suit, came to an abrupt halt and DROPPED full-on to the floor, where she started screaming and dragging herself on her belly across the floor in pure terror.

This continued through all manner of costumed characters: Sesame Street, Halloween, singing and dancing costumed ANYTHING- whatever. It was all grounds for wet pants and meltdowns of epic proportions.

After a few clothing changes, Rob and I grew much better at getting her the heck out of Dodge when someone was going to make an appearance in costume.

However, after our move up the coast, we were invited to a friend's birthday party for her twin girls.
Kate was about to turn three at the time.
There were fun games and (I believe) an Easter Egg hunt.
Things were going splendidly and fun was had by all.

But then, suddenly and unexpectedly,
a SURPRISE! appearance by none other than the EASTER BUNNY!

I remember seeing Kate come a dead halt.
Rob and I were in instant motion, grabbing her and moving quickly away from the offending creature,
while praying we weren't going to get peed on by our terror-stricken child.

We said our quick goodbyes and stuffed her into the backseat of the car for the drive home.

"Mom, Dad?" said our toddler as we spirited her home, "That was SCAWY!"

"Yes, you were scared. But it's all right now." we replied.

There was a pause and some rapid thumbsucking noises from the backseat.
Then a weary sigh and this question:

"So when is all this Easter shit going to be over, anyway?"

One Finger at a Time

2012-01-27T14:04:00.003-05:00

I'd say that the running theme of this year
has been the slow, thoughtful process of learning to let go.

Granted, Kate has over a year before she is off to her first year of college
but the letting go process has been unfolding here for a while.

Letting go can mean a sweet sixteen party, and realizing the next milestone is turning 18, and graduation.

Letting go can mean going to look at colleges, giving opinions and then allowing her to have an opinion of her own, even if you don't agree with it.

Letting go can mean giving advice and then biting your tongue until it's practically bleeding.

Letting go can mean trying to learn not to "fix things" and letting her experience sadness, failure and disappointment- and then quietly offering a cup of cocoa and an I love you.

Letting go can mean seeing your child less as her life becomes her own- less family and parent centered and more world-centered.. her world.

Yes, the letting go is a process that is both exciting and daunting.
I am only now realizing that this letting go will keep reoccurring not only as she goes to college but over and over again
throughout our lives.
And that she too is letting go.

My prayer is that she steps out in confidence and bravery..
and that she always knows that even as we are letting go
our hands are outstretched to her-
to guide, protect and catch her if necessary.

And also to clap for her.. and I have the feeling we'll be doing a lot of clapping.

The Year in Review, Part Four

2012-01-04T08:00:00.001-05:00

One of the constants of the year has been that I've been a little neurotic.

This will surprise some people and others, who know me well, know that it is somewhat par for the course.

This year's neurotic worrying vacillated between our youngest and how he's been doing in school (he's doing great, btw!)
and focusing on Kate's college-
or rather, focusing on learning more about colleges and admittance and SATs and all those things
so that I can attempt to guide her (and us!) through the process.

To that end, we began visiting some colleges this year.

So far, we have visited:

UVA

Kate: "Mom, even the BUILDINGS look condescending here!"
Note to self: Do NOT take child to look at a college when students are not present!

Lynchburg College

(Thumbs down.)

James Madison

(Makes the list, so far.)

University of Mary Washington

(Surprisingly nice. Will possibly investigate further.)

Towson University
(Just an initial walk around. Need to do a tour/info session and spend some time talking to students.)

There are many visits left to go
and many, many more nights for me to lay in bed, worrying.

Side Note

2012-01-03T08:05:00.000-05:00

Taking a break from the year in review to share this from today:

Trey went back to school today but Kate and Chris didn't have to be in school until tomorrow.
After Kate had her driving lesson, we headed over to Panera for lunch.

As we sat, talked and ate (and the two kids acted like total fools, but that's a post for another day)
I casually watched the tables on either side of us.

To my right, there was a woman about my age or so and a man across from her. Probably her age or younger.
The ENTIRE time that they were sitting there, this woman talked on her cell phone.
The man sat there, eating his lunch, looking around, clearly bored. He didn't look aggravated, really, just bored.
After a while, he got up, cleared his tray, and returned. The woman gabbed on.
Finally, he left the table AND the restaurant, to do who knows what.
I would guess anything would be more entertaining than sitting across from someone talking on a cell phone for ten minutes.

To my left, another table; this one for four.
Two women and two kids- one looked to be a teen and one probably eight or so.
Both the adults were reading their cell phones.
The younger child was playing an ipod touch.
The teen sat and ate her meal in silence, looking out the window every now and again.
There was no conversation.
Finally, they got up, cleared their table and left.

Immediately afterward, another family sat down.
A man, his wife (I assume) and their teenage daughter.
They prayed together as a family
and then the man and woman whipped out their cell phones.
They read their phones while eating in silence.
The teenager, like the one before her, ate quietly, essentially alone.

As you can guess, I took time to share what I had observed with my kids
and to relate to them, STRONGLY, how important it is to be PRESENT with the people around you.

It is NOT okay to hold long conversations while ignoring someone sitting there with you.
It is NOT okay to eat a meal and ignore the people sitting with you at the table.

I find that many adults complain about kids of this generation being unable to relate to others,
being socially stunted,
being tuned out.

Based on what I observed today,
maybe we adults need to take a closer look at ourselves.

The Year in Review, Part Three

2012-01-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

Following the return to school, life continued on.

Snow fell and we enjoyed snow days and the break in the "must-do" schedule of life.

Trey inherited his brother's leather coat (after Chris got a new one for Christmas from his Nana)
and walked around our house looking like a 60's Greaser.

There were some new struggles and adaptations as we acknowledged the difficulties a child in our family was facing
and took the steps to begin to make things better.

In March, I went to go visit my sweet nephews in Rhode Island.
How lovely they are!

It was wonderful to hold those sweet, squirmy little bodies
and sneak in cuddles and sniffs of baby-head.
How long ago that seems!

Chris was in his school's play shortly upon my return.
It was "Cheaper By the Dozen" and the students did a marvelous job.

The Year in Review, Part Two

2012-01-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

After the New Year, it was time to go back to school.

Kate and Chris jumped right into the excitement of Spirit Week at their school.
Even though it is January, the excitement culminates in a Homecoming Dance, since the school does not yet have a football team.

One of the days was a sports day of some kind:

and another was class color day: Chris's was white and Kate's was red.

We also decided some time ago that it was time to get a new pet to add to the menagerie.
Gracie was looking a little lonely.

So after many months of looking for just the right pet, we found her!

Sophie joined our home and has brought us much joy (and some annoyance) ever since (just like the kids!) lol

The Year in Review, Part One

2011-12-31T11:27:00.005-05:00

Ah, what a year it has been.

I'm going to take a trip through this year,
hitting some of the highlights with pictures.

I'll begin with New Year's Eve, since it spans into 2011.

This past year was the first that we felt the kids were ALL old enough to join us in a celebration.
We participated in a nearby community event,
which included dinner, walking through the Holiday Lights (the same one that we drive through every Christmas Eve)
and fireworks.

After that, we returned home to a dinner of silly snacks
and game playing, until we brought in the new year with cheering and the banging of pots and pans.

It was a very fun start to the New Year!

Harassed

2011-12-18T15:50:00.002-05:00

I want to make it known that I am being harassed.

Not sexually harassed.
I'm afraid that ended about two children ago,
right around the time I stopped being carded.

No, I am being harassed by THE ELDERLY.

There's an old gentleman who periodically sends me emails.

In the email, is a cryptic message:
"November 10 and November 17"
along with a message like
"They're getting lonely."

What? The Hell?

Turns out the two dates are the last time my brother and I posted updates on our blogs.

The crotchety, elderly man sending the emails?
That would be my father.

So here ya go, Dad! A post just in your honor!

That should do ya for another month.
:-)

A Taste of Poverty

2011-11-17T10:00:00.003-05:00

Oh, the titles I could have come up with for this post:

How to Ruin Your Teenage Daughter's Day.

or

Things Your Daughter Can Tell Her Therapist When She's Older.

Or perhaps

How Middle-Aged Memory Loss Caused Your Daughter to Become Uncultured.
---

Yesterday Kate gets into the car after school with a decidedly peeved look on her face.

Given that I have three children, two of whom are teenagers, this is not an unusual occurrence by any means
and my own day dictates my response.
If my day has been calm and well managed, I will ask what is wrong and be prepared with a listening ear.
If, however, my own day has been steeped in suckage, I will pointedly ignore it and drive a bit faster than usual for good measure.

Yesterday had been a good day for me, though, so I asked (kindly, sweetly) what was bothering her so.

"I have this worksheet to do for class (AP? Humanities? I can't remember) and it is going to take HOURS! Because I was like the only kid who didn't go on the field trip, I have to do this worksheet instead."

"Why didn't you go on the field trip? Where was it?" I asked, surprised.
My kids always go on field trips.

Kate looked at me, a bit scathingly.
"It was to the Art Museum. You said I couldn't go."

I looked back at her, dumbfounded.
"What do you mean, I said you couldn't go? I always let you guys go on field trips!"

Kate stares at me steadily as she replied:
"It was right around the time I gave you the permission slip for Medieval Times and you said it was ridiculous to have two at once and too expensive and I should just pick one. So I did!"

My heart sinks as a tiny little glimmer of memory sparks in my head.
The field trip to Medieval Times had been expensive, about forty bucks, and so when she brought the other slip over, I did say that.
Thing is, I was JOKING.

Problem is, I got distracted and never TOLD her I was joking.
She had taken me literally and had assumed she couldn't go.

It gets better.

Her teacher (bless her heart) came to her and asked Kate if things were difficult at home financially,
and offered to pay for her to go!
Fortunately (or not?!) Kate told her teacher that no, it wasn't the money, her mom just thought it was ridiculous that there were two field trips so close together and so she wasn't allowed to go.

MOM FAIL!

As Kate is relating all this to me, I looked at her and wailed "Well why didn't you ask me AGAIN? I always let you go on field trips! I was just JOKING!"
to which she replied, "But MOM! You always tell me that NO MEANS NO! And you said NO!"

My eyes widened. "And you picked THIS TIME to listen to me?!"

So, the poor dear had a three hour assignment to do, all about art, because I forgot to say I was joking.
I feel somewhat guilty about this.

Ah well, add it to the list.

The Runner

2011-11-15T08:36:00.002-05:00

We strolled leisurely on this unseasonably warm morning,

Trey and I.

The air was still and heavy with the promise of the rain to come later this afternoon.

Leaves crunched in a staccato explosion under every footstep.

We were nearing the end of the street, right on schedule,

when Trey casually commented "My backpack feels so LIGHT and BOUNCY this morning!"

Alarm bells rang in my head.

"Trey, did you put your Expand-a-file in your backpack? I told you yesterday to get it from the family room and pack it up!"

I am already reaching for the backpack zipper, but I knew the answer before I had even begun.

The Expand-a-file, with the completed homework, was still at home.

"Aw, Trey!" I muttered.

After all, we had missed the bus yesterday morning too.

THAT time, however, the fault had been all mine.

I had insisted on making my morning mug of coffee before we left.

We arrived at the stop just in time to see the bus merrily driving around the corner.

"Run and go get it! Maybe you'll make it back in time!" I suggested hopefully.

He took off, full tilt, while I lagged behind.

There was no possible way he would make it; the bus was due momentarily.

I watched him speed down the street, his pace lagging at about the three-quarter mark.

Our kids are many great things but distance runners they are not.

I hollered helpful and encouraging comments from my post midway up the court.

"You can do it!" "Go Trey GO!"

and eventually

"STOP WALKING! RUUUUUNNN!"

He slammed into the house and mere seconds later was slamming back out again.

Surprised that the bus had not already come and gone,

I amped up the motivation:

"Look at YOU! You are like an OLYMPIC RUNNER!

GO FOR THE GOOOOLD!" I shrieked.

I must have sounded like a total loon,

but at this point I could taste the prize- he might make the bus!

I might not have to drive him in my jammies and slippers,

with my unwashed, unbrushed hair waving like a banner from my crown.

I could hear the squeal of brakes: the bus was at the stop a mere half block away.

"RUUUNN! IT'S HERE!!" I hollered as the beleaguered child rushed past me,

with his now-heavier backpack thumping him between the shoulder blades with every stride.

His eyes were wide, the whites flashing.

I do believe I saw his tongue hanging out of his mouth as he neared the corner,

just as the bus pulled up to the stop.

I watched him cross and clamber much more slowly than usual up the steps of the bus.

I waved and laughed aloud as I watched the bus pull away;

thinking that he will certainly be more likely to stay in his seat at school today,

from pure exhaustion!

Who's the Teacher?

2011-10-27T17:19:00.002-04:00

One of the most surprising things

about being a parent

is discovering how often I am the student.

Growing up a bossy little girl in Houston, Texas

all I could imagine about being a parent

was the sheer joy of being able to throw out commands

left and right.

No one could tell me what to do when *I* was a grown-up, oh no.

I would have all the answers and I would be IN. CHARGE.

Yeah, it ain't like that. Not at all.

I wonder if I taught my parents as much about life as my kids teach me.

Trying Not to be an Idiot

2011-10-03T20:13:00.005-04:00

As I sit here typing this,

I am listening to Kate and Chris singing their hearts out upstairs.

They are singing really, REALLY loud.

I was going to watch a TV program but no matter how much I was cranking up the volume,

I couldn't hear the show at all.

I was *thisclose* to yelling upstairs to them to be quiet

and then I realized I was being a complete idiot.

My 16 year old daughter and newly-turned 13 year old son

are upstairs together singing, laughing, and enjoying their time together.

So instead I chose to shut my mouth, listen and record the moment.

Maybe I have learned something in the past 16 years of parenting.

===========

Yes, we have a newly minted teenager in the house!

Chris just turned 13 this week.

He was very excited as the day approached.. he was going to be a TEENAGER!

It will be interesting to watch his journey.

He is our most affable and agreeable child..

a calm wind between two more volatile siblings.

In the past couple of months I've noticed his moods vacillating.

I have to counsel myself to let this be so.

He has the right to have some moodiness, some disagreeableness.

I'll just need to suck it up and try to be brave!

============

I have been spending quite a bit of time

on a website called Pinterest.

It is really fun but an enormous time suck.

Go check it out!

The No-Screens Experiment, One Month In

2011-09-26T17:19:00.002-04:00

So, it has been one full month since we started the no-screens policy in our house.

The policy is (and this will not sound revolutionary to most of you)

that Monday morning through Friday afternoon, there are no screens on in our house for the kids.

There are some minor exceptions of course:

Kate needs to check her email once daily, because her teachers will sometimes email

a change in homework or other information

and also a couple of times a week, log on to FB so if her peeps are making weekend plans,

she is in the know.

Other than that, it's no tv, no computers, no texting unless all homework is done, no DS or Wii or whatever other types of video games.

Instead, it is snack, free play, homework, instrument (or SAT) practice and then down time.

Benefits:

1) More reading. Specifically, Trey is reading more, which was always a difficult thing to get him to do.

2) More creativity. Drawing, origami, making action movies with their neighbor and his camera, building clay figures, playing imaginative games and the like.

3) More outside playtime.

4) Increased skills, particularly with the boys and their Ripsticks.

5) Grades and schoolwork are excellent thus far.

6) Better planning. Kate has been working for HOURS on a project for Humanities and I think she is doing so because she has more time now than when she was using the computer and watching TV.

Cons:

I may be singing a different song in the winter, when it gets dark at 4:30 in the afternoon, but right now I don't seen any cons. The kids are happy and don't seem to be suffering, although they may say something different.

A hidden, extra benefit is that if I decide to overrule the no-tv policy for a specific reason (ie- I'll be at meetings that evening, the weather is unbearable or just as a surprise hour) they are really excited.

Since it is no longer an expectation but a treat, they see it as a privilege.

I'll keep reporting back but so far, I give it a BIG thumbs up!

Too Fast

2011-09-25T16:05:00.003-04:00

Chris, every few days:

"I think my voice is getting lower!"

I love the excitement and the hopefulness. :-)

--------------

I watched his baseball game today.

He's playing Pony now- larger field, longer distance between bases,

further to throw.

Going to the ball fields at the beginning of each season is always

like taking a walk through Chris's childhood.

Here's the first field he played on..

I look at the teeny boys on the field, spinning around and around,

kicking dirt, pulling grass, hats being thrown in the air

and mitts on their faces.

They have tiny little legs stuffed into white baseball pants

and their mitts look comically large and heavy dangling

at the ends of their tiny little arms.

As I walk along, I see field after field where we have sat on the sidelines,

cheering, groaning, nerves jangling as he learned to pitch

and hiding our own tears when he would break down and cry on the bench

when things didn't go well.

There are only a couple of fields left to go and then he will have played on them all.

He will be at the end of the line.

As he approaches turning 13 at the end of next week,

I feel that melancholy feeling of many things coming to an end

as the future rises up to meet us, too fast.

Even as I look ahead to fields I don't even know exist yet

as I ask that time slow down, just a bit,

to let this mother's heart catch up.

Where to Begin?

2011-09-19T21:02:00.002-04:00

After an absence as long as this one, it is hard to know where to even begin.

Preferably, it would be with something earth-shatteringly exciting

but I got nuthin' of the sort.

So instead, some snippets from my day today:

I tripped carrying the dogs' food into the dining room, where their bowls are.

Sophie's bowl went arcing through the air,

hit the floor,

bounced once, and then I watched as

kibble rained down like manna from heaven.

If dogs could look shocked, then my two dogs did.

Their eyes widened and I swear Sophie's little chowhound jaw dropped wide open.

I couldn't even be mad because it was so freaking funny.

So the dogs had "kibble from the sky" for breakfast.

Chris found one tonight on the dining room table and I found one in the front hall.

I have the feeling kibble will be turning up in odd places over the next few days!

----

I've been hobbling around like a little old lady for the past week.

I was just going along through life and one morning I woke up,

got out of bed and nearly swooned onto the floor in pain.

Instead of swooning, I stood hunched over by the side of the bed,

gaping in pain with my breath coming out in little gasps.

Somehow, I caught on fire or something because my back was in flames of pain

from my shoulder blades to my hips.

I eventually staggered into the bathroom

and found out one uses one's back for all types of things I'd never thought about before.

Well, this has been a week now and I am still in AGONY every morning when I wake.

I am talking about pain that causes me to cry out during the night

and hunker over, gasping each morning.

As I move through the day, the pain is mild as long as I keep moving

but laying down or even sitting in a relaxed manner can make me uncomfortable.

Yesterday I bought a support brace for my back and some Aleve

and I do believe things are better today.

Hopefully the mornings will be better soon as well.

------

Kate has been hard at work all week on a Humanities project

involving many little thrones made of wood,

spray paint, modeling clay and lots of stinky glue.

Her creations have taken residence in our garage,

along with a double bed (disassembled and minus the mattress)

that is waiting to go into Chris's room.

Apparently, I accidentally crushed Medusa's head when I fell over a bike

trying to get to the paper towel stash in the corner of the garage.

Methinks it is time for a garage clean out!

--------

So there's the randomness meant to get this started again.

Hopefully someone else out there is tripping and falling

or dropping dog food or something.

If you are, let me know about it!

Time Marches On

2011-08-18T21:40:00.002-04:00

I took a walk this evening, about eight o'clock.

The sky was darkening already- by the time I returned at 8:30 it was full on dusk.

The cicadas were almost deafening as I walked by the trees

and I noticed a vague but definite cooling in the air-

this was not a hot summer night but an evening

that gently hinted of the upcoming change of seasons.

I've lived in the Mid-Atlantic for 14 and a half years now

and there is some comfort in being able to predict what is around the bend..

this subtle cooling will lull me into believing Fall is coming,

only to have one or two more blasts of scorching temperatures

that have us cranking up the AC once again and wishing the pool wasn't closed.

Then, we will settle into the crunching of leaves by mid-September,

the lovely warm days and even-more-lovely cool nights.

---

Just as some things have become known and predictable,

other things are happening that are brand new.

Among them, having a sixteen year old.

And now, having a sixteen year old who is in full possession of a Learner's Permit!

This is an exciting rite of passage- and scary and nerve wracking and wonderful!

Parenting an oldest child really is a unique experience.

We go through each and every step together with eyes wide open

and jaws dangling.

It's not that the boys are any less important or special

but that first time really does just rock your world!

-------

In a final note, Rob won a big trial today.

We are proud of him and very happy for him..

and also very happy that after two weeks of 16-20 hour work days,

our main man is home again!

Man Up

2011-08-08T21:43:00.004-04:00

I'm a big fan of the phrase,

or at least the philosophy behind the phrase

"Man Up."

It's the softer, kinder version of the previous generation's perennial favorite:

"Stop yer cryin' or I'll really give you something to cry about!"

I mean, let's face it.

Kids are kind of whiney.

There's sad and then there's not-really-sad-but-wanting-attention.

There's devastation and then there's losing the board game.

There's gravely injured and there's stubbed-my-toe-but-crying-like-I'm-dying.

I'm not a big fan of hysterics or histrionics

hence, the phrase Man Up (or, Get Over It) (Knock It Off) etc.

Honestly, though, there are times that we have called it wrong

and sent the legitimately whiney and complaining child to their room, or to bed,

only to later find out it was a broken wrist (Kate), a broken toe (Kate),

whiplash (Chris) etc.

I hate it when that happens. No, really!

I think this week is an award winner though.

First, Chris got hit in the ear last week, while he was in the pool.

Apparently someone's knee connected with his ear and the knee won.

He came in (this was while we were in OBX) whining and tearful

about his ear.

We looked at it, hugged on him, looked at it again and then I think we pretty much told him to get over it.

He was complaining of feeling like there was water in there, so we had him turn his head

to the side and hop on one leg.

Over the next few days, his ear was draining clear fluid while he slept.

We figured (as did he) that is was the pool water that had been forced into his ear by the blow

and told him to sleep on that ear to let it drain.

One day he complained of pain and we gave him Ibuprofen. He said it helped and that was that.

Fast forward to Sunday evening. The boys went to swim and Chris dove in.

"WHOOOAA" he shouted, "My ear just felt really weird!"

Ah, crap! I thought to myself. I forgot about his ear.

I called him out of the pool, fashioned some clean, unused braces wax into an ear plug

and sent him back on his way.

Then I called Rob and had him pick up some Swimmer's Ear drops.

That night, Rob went to put in a couple of drops into Chris's ear.

...drop..drop.. SCREEEEAAAAMMMM!

If you live anywhere in the Mid-Atlantic, then you heard Chris's scream.

(and scream, and scream.)

Poor kid. We felt awful.

It was our first realization that his eardrum was probably perforated.

Luckily, once the drops cleared his ear, the pain was gone.

So I took him in the pediatrician today.

He has so much fluid on both sides of his eardrum that she couldn't even see the drum itself.

He's now on abx and steroid ear drops.

She said his ear could drain for up to 2-3 weeks!

He got lots of hugs.. until his brother,

who was complaining of stomach cramps,

and who I was sure was faking (and yes, I said it out loud..),

went stone cold white in the face.

So now I'm sleeping next to Trey on a twin bed,

trash can at the ready.

Why?

Cause I'm Manning Up.

Seals

2011-07-15T11:24:00.002-04:00

Splashing, laughter.

Skin slowly turning the color of a light caramel,

curly hair getting blonder at the crown and tips.

For the past week, my two boys have been getting into the pool multiple times a day.

This is a real change from the past couple of years, when the kids would get in the pool

often when it was opened and then less and less as the summer progressed.

Out the sliding glass door they go,

dropping clothes like peanut shells in their wake

until they arrive at the edge of the pool in only their skivvies.

Games known only to the two of them are played,

and I am happy that they are enjoying each other,

this time together, free of all the electronic trappings available to them.

Yesterday, we hosted a pool party for middle school youth of our church.

One of the middle school boys was giving Trey (9) a bit of a hard time,

teasing him a bit since Trey was "it" and would clearly have a hard time catching him.

Trey was clearly getting frustrated but was holding himself together.

I hear a forceful voice from across the pool-

"X, stop taunting my brother! Just go!"

At the next round, Chris clearly allowed himself to be caught by Trey, to become "it."

I love that he looks out for his brother like this, and I made sure to tell him so.

They remain close, and I really hope it continues to last.

An Interesting Dessert

2011-06-01T08:00:00.000-04:00

A few days ago, I made some chocolate chip cookies.

You'd think I never make anything good, because everyone in the house has been raving about them.

Consequently, they are disappearing at an alarming rate.

"What're you gonna make next?" Chris asked me at dinner tonight.

"Well," I mused, "I just tore out a recipe for a strawberry icebox pie from a magazine. I was thinking I might try that, or a lemon icebox pie."

(I don't like sweet things but usually I like lemon desserts.)

Rob quickly tossed his vote in for the strawberry icebox pie.

"I know!" piped up Kate. "Make crack! We all like the crack!"

Now, before you all panic, crack is a dessert that is made using saltines, homemade toffee and chocolate chips. The hot toffee is poured over the crisped saltines and then melted chocolate is spread over that. You freeze it, then break it into pieces- hence the name "Crack."

Trey and Chris nodded over Kate's suggestion but then they suggested Cake Balls.

Cake Balls are literally round cakes on sticks, dipped in melted chocolate.

Super sweet but the kids like them.

A few minutes later, Trey says "When are you going to make Lemon Butt?"

I stared at him quizzically. "What? What's Lemon Butt?"

He grinned and said gleefully "Well, if you're going to make Cake Balls and Crack, you might as well make Lemon Butt!"

The Boy

2011-05-30T08:00:00.001-04:00

The boy

has lately

been getting

BASHED!

Boredom

2011-05-28T08:00:00.000-04:00

Sometimes boredom

leads to

some very nifty

creations!

Fear Can Be the Mother of Invention Too

2011-05-26T08:00:00.000-04:00

My daughter Kate, 16, recently had her Chamber Choir concert to attend.

This concert also includes the band and all choruses for the middle and high school combined, so it is lengthy three hour concert.

Kate had a Geometry test the next day and it has been her most vexing subject in high school to date.

She was concerned about not having enough time to prepare, and rightly so.

I was most impressed with her solution!

She took some thread and fabric and loosely sewed a pocket into the hemline of her dress.

Then, she made tiny Geometry notecards

and popped them securely into the little homemade pouch.

Then, during the time her group was not onstage, she could easily access the cards

and continue to prepare for her test.

BRILLIANT!

Springtime Robins

2011-05-24T08:00:00.000-04:00

The kids and I had fun this spring

watching a clutch of robins grow and become fledglings.

I had noticed early in the spring that when I would walk out of the garage,

I was often startled by a bird flying out of the fir tree

that is literally right at the edge entrance of our garage.

After a while, it seemed more than a coincidence

so I parted a few branches and peered inside.

Sure enough, there was a tiny nest within

and a few little eggs!

I excitedly called the kids and we all admired the tiny blue eggs.

Within two days, there were two teeny-tiny, newborn birds in the nest.

Two more followed soon after.

We watched them grow and it was so very exciting to see such growth and change every day.

Then, less than two weeks later, we peeked in and only two little fledglings remained.

"Oh no!" we cried.

We were sure they had been discovered and taken from their nest

or had become too big and fallen out

(it had been getting WAAAAY cramped in that nest!)

The next day, the other two fledglings were gone.

However, only a day later, Trey spotted one of the little fledglings hopping in the yard.

Not many robin babies survive their first year but we are hopeful that at least some of ours will!

Choosing a Cereal

2011-05-22T08:00:00.000-04:00

We've been giving Trey a "night night snack" for the past couple of months

to help keep his weight up.

The other night, I stepped out of the pantry and held two boxes of cereal

in front of me.

"Trey, pick which cereal you want," I instructed him tersely.

It was late, I was tired and therefore, vaguely irritated.

He stood before me, considered his options and then

AND THEN!

he KICKED one of the boxes of cereal!

"THAT one!" he crowed happily.

"TREY!" I shouted. "WHY ON EARTH would you KICK the box of cereal like that?"

"Well," he replied with a sheepish grin and twinkling eyes, "it IS called Kix!"

I burst out laughing.

What a clever boy. Just saved himself from a thorough ass-kicking.

Babies and More Babies!

2011-05-20T13:42:00.001-04:00

Anyone who knows me, knows what a baby person I am.

I love the newborn baby stage, love the infant stages.

I love the cuddling, rocking and especially the nursing.

I still miss nursing a little one in the dark room at night,

the peacefulness, the intimacy,

the feeling of connectedness with mothers throughout the world

who were up at this same hour, holding their nurslings.

Now that my little ones aren't so little any more,

I was excited when a neighbor sent an email out

asking for "baby holders."

Sharon has triplets herself (now in second grade!)

and was hosting a local meeting of Moms of Multiples

so that these moms could get out, meet some new friends, and get a bit of a break.

Promptly at ten AM, I was ringing the doorbell.

I could hardly wait to get my hands on some tiny little babies.

And tiny they were!

As the moms began to arrive, I marveled at their diminutive infants!

Being twins, these babies were itty-bitty, most born at four or five pounds.

One pair was six weeks, one pair nine weeks, one pair 11 weeks.

BABY HEAVEN!

Within twenty minutes, I had a little one in my arms.

How tiny she was!

Her little eyes blurred and unfocused,

she gazed around the room,

pursed and unpursed her lips

and made all the little grunts and stretches and wiggles of a newborn babe.

Let me tell you something.

Two hours later, I was pretty much sated.

These teeny babies, after a while, felt like twenty pound weights!

By the time I was finished holding babies, my shoulders were in spasms,

my biceps were aching and I was EXHAUSTED.

It really brought into clear focus how different parenting is now

versus "back in the old days" when I had infants.

Taking care of an infant is almost purely physical labor.

Now, that's not to say that there isn't an emotional component, not at all.

But the caretaking involves holding and rocking,

diaper changing and feeding, dressing and soothing.

The constant motion, the upper body strength required to carry those car seats everywhere.

I would say that parenting my children now is almost purely a mental and emotional task.

Obviously, there is still physical labor involved:

the meal prep, the laundry, the keeping up with the house.

But the parenting is much more complex,

the consequences for error can be more severe (for both parents and for kids!)

and the depth and range of emotion much wider.

Parenting older children is more challenging, more interesting

and much more dynamic.

They reveal themselves as they grow

and while it is endlessly surprising,

there are still the glimpses at the little ones that they were years ago:

Kate, the wiry infant who needed stimulation and was happiest when there was something new to take in or do.

Chris, the placid infant with a hidden intensity, always watching and learning surreptitiously,

and Trey, the cuddle bug, who is still calmed with "petting" and physical closeness.

I look forward, with curiosity and mild fear, to the upcoming stages of parenting!

Sixteen

2011-05-01T22:32:00.009-04:00

Dear Kate,

In a mere two hours, you will be sixteen years old.

While you will be asleep at the moment you turn sixteen,

the hours that brought you into this world were anything but restful.

You were my first pregnancy and because of this, I remember every. little. thing.

The pulls at the side of my groin and the achiness that I felt down low during the first trimester

that had me terrified I was going to miscarry at any moment.

Feeling you move gently and the dawning realization that those shapes pressing against my belly were your elbows, knees and feet.

When Daddy would push against my skin where you were, you would aggressively push back. Even then, you were staking your claim and letting us know that you would be no shrinking violet!

I remember weeks of looking at names in the baby book,

mulling over this name and that.

It was so important to us that you have a name that you could change to fit your style.

Katherine if you were reserved in nature, Katie for a sporty girl-next-door,

Kate for a classic beauty.

With a tricky last name like ours, you needed a name you would not have to spell every time.

Little did we know there would be so many Caiteys to confuse us all!

As the last trimester came upon us, we vacillated wildly between elation and complete and utter fear.

I worried about my ability to parent a little girl.. what if you wanted to be all frilly and girly and play with dolls and Barbies? How would I relate to you then?

(Well, you did and we coped just fine. You taught me that you can be feminine and still tough as nails!)

We worried about money, we worried about not knowing what we were doing, we worried about Lamaze and a birth plan and breastfeeding.

Like they say about all good plans, some parts of ours flew directly out the window.

You held on for all you were worth and after hours upon hours upon hours of work by us both,

you came into the world by cesarean section.

I will be forever grateful that we live in a country with the medical resources to intervene and save lives.. your heart rate was dropping precipitously low.

I still cannot bear to think what would have become of us both had we lived in a poor country.

From a squalling cone head, to a wiry infant who demanded constant stimulation,

to a sociable toddler who hugged everyone in sight (including strangers!),

you have been nothing short of an adventure every step of the way.

You've taught us more about ourselves, our gifts and our limitations

than we have taught you:

You've taught us to be parents, to know what it means to love fully and openly.

We've watched you walk fearlessly into new situations and admired your courage.

I've watched you practice kindness and offer love to people who were being cruel to you (even as I advised you to do otherwise, I'm ashamed to admit) and I have then hung my head as I witness their hearts soften.

I've seen you try, fail and then try again.

I've seen your steely determination over and over again- from the toddler who would untie every single crib bumper before taking her nap

to the preschooler who stopped thumb sucking cold turkey in one night.

That determination will take you ANYWHERE that you want to go, girlie, and you can take that to the bank!

I hope we've served you well thus far.

I hope we have been a better example more often than a poor one

and I hope that you have learned from the mistakes that we've made and shared with you.

The next handful of years will be scary and exciting, just like the ones that have preceded them.

Have confidence in your abilities.

We'll be sitting right here watching you and cheering you on.

I love you.

You're the best present I've ever gotten.

Like Riding a Bike? Menu Planning

2011-04-03T21:34:00.002-04:00

After taking a respite of sorts from menu planning,

I'm getting back on the wagon.

Overall we've been doing well but there are a lot of expenses coming up

(camp, travel, new pool filter, converting to salt-water pool, van repair..)

and one of the best ways to save money is to PLAN!

One of the best ways to save money is to STREEEEEETCH expensive ingredients like meat as much as possible.

For example, late last week, I made a pot roast.

I cooked it in the crock pot with a can of beef consomme and some dry onion soup, along with some water, to make a lovely broth.

I served the pot roast with the carrots and potatoes from the roast and some couscous.

After the roast, I put the broth straight into the fridge, so that the fat could rise to the top overnight.

I put the remaining roast, potatoes and carrots into Tupperware.

Fast forward to tonight.

I easily took the hardened fat off the top of the broth, then heated it through.

Meanwhile, I added six cups of water, one yellow squash, one green squash,

peas, corn, a sweet potato and the left over carrots and potatoes from the roast.

Finally, I shredded 1/2 the remaining roast and added that.

Simmered the soup for about 30 minutes while I baked some biscuits.

Then served up the delicious soup for dinner,

then added two more cups of water to the remaining soup and back it went into the fridge.

The flavors will blend even more and it will be delicious on Tuesday for another dinner.

That last bit of remaining roast went into a labeled freezer bag for yet another soup, another time.

So there you have it- one roast will create FOUR dinners for a family of five.

That is some economical cooking!

---------------------

On to the menu plan:

Sunday- vegetable beef soup, biscuits

Monday- Soyaki chicken, rice, salad, fruit.

Tuesday- remaining vegetable beef soup, garlic bread

Wednesday- panko breaded chicken tenderloins, garlic new potatoes, baby peas

Thursday- Brown sugar glazed salmon, couscous, green beans

Friday- Chicken ranch tortilla roll ups (using leftover chicken from Wednesday), fruit

Saturday- leftovers or breakfast supper

Sunday- Sausage cheese quiche and raspberry muffins

-----------------

Do you have a plan for this week?

Share it in the comments!

Memory is a Funny Thing

2011-03-30T14:33:00.002-04:00

I was reading online the other day

and the question posed was "To Spank or Not to Spank?"

You can imagine that this was a heated discussion,

with most people falling vehemently on one side or the other

and defending their position with gusto.

As most kids of our generation were,

Rob and I were both spanked as kids.

Their was the traditional bare-ass-and-over-the-knee humiliation spanks,

the chase-you-with-a-wooden-spoon spanks,

the this-hurts-me-more-than-it-hurts-you spanks

(oh, please, really? wanna bet?).

Let's not forget the fear-inducing

Wait-til-your-father-comes-home spanks!

That was the norm then, of course,

and I would wager to say that that generation of kids

were somewhat more respectful of authority and their parents

than the current generation of "time out" and "let's discuss it" generation.

It may not have been respect earned as much as respect through fear,

but there you have it.

Anyway, this got me thinking about my own rearing of my children.

I was not a big spanker of my kids for several reasons.

First, I wasn't sure of the logic and power trip of using physical force against someone so much smaller.

Second, Rob was NOT willing to spank his daughter and I sure didn't want to be the only one throwing down the hammer.

Third, I know the kind of temper I have and I was truly fearful that if angry enough I could cross the line from discipline to being abusive.

Fourth, at some point they get too big and then what?

However, I was not above a couple of solid swats for each of them in their young lives.

Kate got spanked a very few times, Chris also a very few.

Trey got spanked a few times as well and unfortunately, more often in anger

than the other two. He was the master of button pushing. Even so, I'd say for him it was eight times or less and for the older two, fewer than five each.

BUT, I was curious to get their take on spanking so I asked Trey in the kitchen the other day

how often he believed he got spanked.

"Oh, ALL THE TIME" he said.

"WHAT?!" I gasped.

Surely he was joking.

I mean, *I* was spanked all the time as a kid

and I had hardly ever spanked him!

"Oh, definitely!" he said with pure confidence, "At least fifteen times!"

"No WAY!" I responded vehemently. "Are you KIDDING? I hardly EVER spanked you!"

We argued this for a bit and agreed that when Chris came in,

we would ask him how often he thought Trey had been spanked.

Since Chris (and Kate) seem to believe Trey always gets off scot-free with murder,

I suspected he would call a number even lower than five.

When Chris sauntered in, I silenced Trey with a swift glance

and started my inquisition.

"So, Chris, I have a question for you..

How often do you think you were spanked as a child?"

Chris blinked and considered the question,

then slowly responded.

"Um, I don't know.. about fifteen times?"

I shrieked in protest as Trey crowed in victory.

"WHAT?!" I yelled. "Are you KIDDING ME?"

Chris looked around confused as Trey continued to dance in victory.

As I looked around me, I realized that I was now living the life my parents live-

that what my children will recollect of their childhoods

MAY OR MAY NOT BE WHAT ACTUALLY OCCURRED!

When I, as an adult, told my Dad that I remember him spanking us ALL THE TIME,

he was shocked.

"Not at all!" he protested, "It wasn't that way at all!"

Dad, I didn't believe you then, but I sure as heck believe you now!

The Things I Say

2011-02-28T08:26:00.002-05:00

As a parent, we find ourselves talking a great deal of the time,

especially to the younger set.

Or, as I am discovering, to boys in general, no matter the age.

It appears, that like many of the grown up versions of boys,

there are some things they simply can't remember, regardless of their age.

Here's a small sampling of things that I have found myself saying,

sometimes almost daily, it seems..

What?

I can't hear you from there.. come in to this room.

I still can't hear you.

Are you ready to go?

You are? Did you brush your teeth?

Go brush your teeth.

Your teeth look yellow. Go brush them again.

Your teeth look ORANGE! Go brush your teeth again.

Did you brush your hair? Why not?

If you lose your hair as an adult, you'll be happy then.

Go brush it again.

Did you change your underwear?

Go change it.

Dirty clothes go in the hamper, not on the floor.

This is still folded. It is not dirty. Go put it away.

Not there. THERE.

WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Don't speak to me in that tone of voice.

What tone? THAT tone.

Don't look at me like that, young man.

No, we don't pee there. Pee goes in the toilet.

PEE GOES IN THE TOILET!!!!

How can you miss a toilet hole that big? Clean it up.

It's in the pantry. Yes, we do, it's on the second shelf.

On the RIGHT.

THE SECOND SHELF ON THE RIGHT!

It's RIGHT HERE. You're WELCOME.

Get off your brother.

Get off your sister.

If you wrestle, just know that someone's going to get hurt.

Is there blood? No? Then as you were.

Stop. Stop it. STOP IT!

GO TO YOUR ROOM!

I'm going to kick you to next Tuesday.

Stop whining.

Do you want some cheese to go with that whine?

I don't speak Whinese.

Say you're sorry to your brother.

No, like you mean it.

I love you too.

You are the best boy in the whole world.

I'm lucky to be your mom.

A Giving Type of Girl

2011-02-22T19:51:00.002-05:00

When the kids are bickering and fussing at each other,

sometimes I get so frustrated.

Other times, I remember that my brother and I used to fight like cats and dogs

(and much more physically than my kids do)

but when became closer in our teen years and remain so now.

I hope that for my own kids.

I see glimpses of it when I see them band together when someone is mistreating one of them,

or when one of them is scared or hurting.

Today, Rob and I got an awesome look at the relationship between Kate and Chris.

----

Trey and Chris had been asking me to take them to Game Stop if there was a snow day today.

They had each sold some old games and had compensation cards to spend:

twenty-eight dollars for Trey and over thirty dollars for Chris.

Trey knew what he wanted to buy and picked it out right away

while Chris fretted and deliberated (he's always like this with spending money.)

Finally he made his choice and took it up to the counter.

However, when he handed over his card, he was told there was only eight dollars on it.

He was crushed.

I told him I had to pick Kate up from the library so I would drop him at home

and if he found the correct card, I would swing him back by to pick up his game.

Sadly, he never found it.

Red eyed and weeping, he moved desolately through the house.

I told Kate what had happened when I picked her up

and when she got home, she helped Chris look to no avail.

When Rob got home, she whispered something to him

and then told me her plan:

she was going to go to Game Stop and buy him the game with her own money.

So secretly, Rob took her there.

She got the game, brought it back to him and gave it to him.

He was so happy and it was such a great moment to witness between my two children.

-----------

Earlier today, he had done something small for her, without hesitation, in kindness.

She paid him back later, above and beyond what he did for her.

I need to keep these moments in the forefront of my mind when they bicker and fight

and know that things will continue to only get better.

Stages

2011-02-13T20:57:00.002-05:00

Rob and I have both been on edge the last couple of weeks.

I had a meltdown of epic proportions last weekend

and he was spiraling today into an irritated funk.

As we drove thirty minutes north to my Sister-in-Law's house

to celebrate my Brother-in-Law's 40th birthday,

we had a chance to talk together and to reflect on our lives together.

Rob and I met early in my Sophomore year of college-

his Junior year.

From our first date (shortly after our meeting), we have never once looked back.

No temporary breakups, no "taking a break."

Twenty two years together, nearly 18 years married

and we agreed today.. we are at the most challenging place that we have ever been.

Three kids: one in high school, one in middle school, one in elementary school.

An intense career for him, with long hours and long commutes.

A hectic life for me, holding down the fort, getting kids various places and meeting the emotional and physical needs of everyone in the home.

We find ourselves frazzled and spent and often on edge.

When our children were very young,

we could not imagine being more tired, more sleep deprived, more physically drained.

"It will be so much easier when they're older" we used to reassure each other,

and in some ways it has been.

The kids at least have the *capability* of feeding themselves, doing basic self help skills etc.

That part of just keeping them alive and accounted for has eased.

But in its place is the very emotional work of raising a teen, a tween and an elementary ager who is more or less a tween.

It's early mornings that now combine with late nights.

It's nightly practices or games or projects or meetings.

It's endless bickering and trying to stay one step ahead of who needs what.

So much of it is good and so much of it is rewarding

but I've only recently begun to understand

what people meant when they would say "Enjoy them while they're young!"

Reflections on a Middle Child

2011-02-10T13:35:00.005-05:00

I was writing to a group of friends yesterday, who all have children born the same month and year as my middle child, Chris.

I asked them to update on that particular child.

I did the same and in doing so, took the time to really step back and see my amazing son as he is right now.. a "picture in time" so to speak.

This is what I sent them.

--------------------------

Surrounded on either side by two strong-willed, intense siblings, Chris plays the role of the middle child peacekeeper often. He is amiable and smiles often. He can move easily between his two siblings, playing down with Trey and then maturing up to Kate.

Chris is our most athletic child. He loves baseball and has played since he was 4 or 5. His favorite positions are catcher (he somehow manages to do it as a lefty, even after being told that "lefties can't be catchers") and first base. He can pitch and has learned to handle the pressure better, but he still "gets in his own head" and lets his own worry and frustration get the better of him. The mantra we work with him on is "The next ball is the most important" meaning, it's not what just happened you should be dwelling on but what happens next.

Chris also plays basketball before school and via Upward. He is improving and having fun with that. Since he'll be tall, it is a good sport for him to like!

Chris is also our most musical child.. he sings effortlessly and well. He also plays two instruments (alto sax and french horn) and is in the middle/high school play this year. He also writes for the school newspaper and will be doing the morning announcements at the school next year. He absolutely loves his new school and has reached out and grasped every opportunity available to him.

He has coped beautifully with our mutual decision to hold him back this year. We have undoubtedly seen a positive change in him this year- he is more relaxed in his posture and countenance, his "smile" is back, his confidence is back and he is loving life. The first quarter he made all A's and the second quarter all A's and one B, which was an 89 in band b/c he wasn't practicing. You can bet he wanted to kick himself hard after that!

Of all my kids, Chris has the most tendency toward being sneaky. His desire to please sometimes causes him to tell half-truths, even though his face often gives him away. He also can be quite wishy-washy and won't always give an opinion or make a decision b/c he is such a pleaser. We are trying to teach him that it is okay to be an individual and to make personal choices and decisions.

Chris is an amazing ray of sunshine in a family that can sometimes feel very tumultuous. My hope is that I don't push him into a mold of always being the agreeable, happy, easy one. While I absolutely love and treasure those aspects of his personality (you have no idea how much sometimes!), he has the right to be more well-rounded in every way.

Thugs and Such

2011-02-08T20:34:00.003-05:00

Rob and Chris were driving home from basketball practice tonight.

As they were driving along listening to the radio,

a Prince song comes on.

"Who is this?" asked Chris after a bit. "I like it!"

"It's Prince" said Rob. "He had some really good songs."

"The only thing I don't get" said Chris, perplexed, "is why the thugs were crying."

------------------

So our sweet Sophie has been with us for almost two weeks

and she is SUCH a lovely dog.

I'm not sure I could have asked for better!

She is sweet, house trained, crate trained and seems to be smart.

She is already braver and is learning the rules of the house.

Gracie is just starting to realize that perhaps *this* dog is not the same

as others who pass through our house and then go away.

She is being very tolerant but will absolutely SHOVE Sophie out of the way

if we are loving on her.

It's fun to watch them figure out who is in charge and what the new lay of the land will be.

-------------------------

It is beginning to look like distinct possibility that my kids may actually

GO TO SCHOOL ALL WEEK this week.

I am giddy at the prospect!

----------------------------

A couple of people have recently commented that I haven't posted menu plans in a while.

This is true!

Here's some of what we have eaten lately:

Last week:

Chicken and dumplings, with corn and edamame

Tortellini alla panna with pancetta and early peas

This week:

Angel hair pasta with turkey meatballs and homemade applesauce

Marinated salmon, rice pilaf and salad

Tomorrow: Vegetable stew with leftover ribs and pot roast, corn bread

Thursday: Home made tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.

My Kids Will be Dumb!

2011-01-25T12:38:00.002-05:00

My kids have missed SO. MUCH. SCHOOL lately.

Seriously, I feel like they have hardly been in school at all!

I have literally had kids home every day since my last blog entry on 1/17/2011.

An exam schedule that has caused me to take my child to school at 8AM and pick her back up at 10:10AM. I hardly have time to get back home before I go back!

A school that closes for TWO counties, whichever is more conservative, which has led to several closed school days. Oh, and if one county calls for a two hour delay and the school was supposed to have a half day, then school gets canceled.

Long story short, the exams that were to start and end last week are still ongoing,

and now it is looking like school might be canceled for Wednesday and/or Thursday.

AAARRGH!!

Do you want some fries with that?

2011-01-17T20:31:00.002-05:00

Lately my nine year old munchkin has been pushing the envelope.

Some days he is fine and agreeable and lovely company

and other days every line must be crossed and every boundary must be tested.

Case in point:

Yesterday I took the kids to the mall.

Their Dad was going to meet us over there for lunch

and then I was going to take Kate back home to study for exams

while the boys and I went to the Roller Rink.

We grabbed a table and then I doled out the money for each person to get their food.

Kate was heading to ChickFilA, Chris to Five Guys with me, Rob to Chipotle

and Trey to an Asian place to get Bourbon Chicken.

A short time later we reconvened at the table with our meals.

I noticed Trey had Orange Chicken instead of the Bourbon chicken he had been planning on getting.

He was glumly pushing his chicken around on the plate.

When I asked what was wrong, he told me that the sample had been so good,

but a whole plate of it was too much.

I've made the same mistake so I agreed with him and told him he'd know better next time

and to eat the rice and chicken together to cut the strong flavor.

A few minutes later he noticed everyone had soda cups,

while he had a bottle of lemonade.

"Why does everyone else get a soda and I don't?" he asked in a whiny tone.

"You could have chosen to get a soda too, if you'd wanted to" I told him.

Chris kindly offered to share his root beer with Trey.

Nevertheless, Trey sat at the table grumping and grumbling,

whining and moaning and complaining.

I could feel my back getting more and more rigid with annoyance.

"Trey" I said in a very clear, aggravated tone, "you need to stop complaining. You have a meal there, you've been offered some fries and root beer to share, and I will not have you sit there and ruin everyone else's lunch."

Trey was in no mood to comply.

He continued to sulk and act like a complete toad.

Within seconds, I simply SNAPPED.

I stood up, grabbed his entire meal, grabbed his bottle of lemonade

and strode over to the trashcan.

I tossed every bit of it right in,

while Trey and Rob watched with their mouths positively agape.

Then I came back, picked up my burger and recommenced eating my lunch.

I could be wrong, but I think he'll think twice about ruining our meal

with a bad attitude for quite a while.

MLK Day

2011-01-17T09:16:00.002-05:00

Happy MLK Day to everyone.

I'm having a somewhat lazy morning today.

I could hear the boys downstairs so I peeked over the loft to see what they were up to:

Chris is playing the Wii (Madden) and I could hear Trey but I couldn't see him.

Upon asking, I find out he is stuffed into the large wicker container that holds all our winter throws, playing his D.S.

I don't even know what to think about that child, except that I long to get him to adulthood intact.

Goals are loose for today:

I need to put away three baskets of clean laundry (well, put it in the proper rooms to be put away by their owners)

and do a load or two of dirty laundry.

Then, I'm taking the boys to an indoor rollerskating rink to burn off some energy.

Kate has exams tomorrow so she'll be studying, although she could get lucky and have school delayed or canceled tomorrow due to some expected ice.

To end the day, Kate has volleyball.

Here's our menu plan for the week:

Monday: Parmesan tilapia, rice, peas.

Tuesday: Country ribs, mashed potatoes, mixed veggies.

Wednesday: Chicken pot pie.

Thursday: Beef and Paprika stew (new recipe from Pioneer Woman's site)

Friday: Leftovers.

Book Backlog

2011-01-13T20:16:00.002-05:00

I really like to read.

As a kid, I would go to the library and bring home a giant stack of books.

I'd devour them one by one in the solitude of my room, while my mom begged and pleaded for me to go outside and play.

I'd read them in the car and at school and at the table.

In recent years, unfortunately, I have found my attention span getting shorter and shorter.

While I'd love to blame it on being busy or on my kids,

the truth of the matter is that I am distracted by the many electronic gadgets and options that surround me.

There's always shows on the DVR that I want to watch.

There's email to read, Facebook to catch up on,

games to play and my blog to write (and that has suffered, for sure!)

Between the library and Paperback Swap (Paperbackswap.com),

the stack beside my bed has grown to ENORMOUS proportions.

Here's a list of books waiting to be read:

(from the library:)

Confessions of the Sullivan Sisters by Natalie Standiford

Not Even Wrong: Adventures in Autism by Paul Collins

It's Not All Flowers and Sausages: My Adventures in Second Grade by Mrs. Mimi

Oogy: The Dog Only a Family Could Love by Larry Levin

(books I have acquired and need to read:)

What It Takes to Pull Me Through: Why Teenagers Get in Trouble and How Four of Them Got Out by David L. Marcus

Tender at the Bone: Growing up at the Table by Ruth Reichl

Night by Elie Wiesel (re-read)

The Virginity Club by Kate Brian

How to Be Good by Nick Hornby

The Way of Boys: Promoting the Social and Emotional Development of Young Boys by Anthony Rao, PhD

Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood to Adulthood by Edward M. Hallowell M.D. and John J. Ratey, M.D.

Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction by David Sheff (re-read)

The Girls by Lori Lansens

A Widow's Walk: A Memoir of 9/11 by Marian Fontana

Wedded Bliss?: Romance Needs Restored During Four Silver Wedding Anniversaries by Susan K Downs, Kristy Dykes, Sally Laity and Carrie Turansky

The Shack by William P. Young

The Cinderella Pact by Sarah Strohmeyer

and

The Sleeping Beauty Proposal by Sarah Strohmeyer.

Obviously, something needs to change and I intend on making that change today,

pledging to devote some time each day to decreasing my stack!

Now Where'd I Put My Cane?

2011-01-04T17:17:00.003-05:00

Kate in 1995

-------------------------------

Scene: My bedroom. I'm standing at the bed, sorting socks.

Kate bounces in, giddy.

"Mom, Cece has invited me to go shopping for her Homecoming dress with her and her Mom; Can I go?"

Me: "Sure, but you're probably going to need to get dinner there if you are going soon."

Kate: "Well that's okay, I have money from babysitting left. Oh, and I have this really cool ten dollar bill that I've been saving forever because it is so cool looking that I don't want to spend it!"

Me: "...?... What does it look like?"

Kate bounces off to go get it and returns momentarily, two bills in hand.

"This one" she points "is what ten dollar bills look like.. and THIS ONE is some kind of ancient ten dollar bill!"

I lean over and peer closely at the two ten dollar bills.

One is the newer one, and one is the older one.

Older, as in, NINETEEN NINETY FIVE.

----

Yeah, that's what *I*said.

A Chorus of Angels Sang.

2011-01-03T19:50:00.002-05:00

The heavens parted and the angels sang this morning

as the bus pulled away from the curb.

At least, that's what I thought I was hearing..

it was so freaking cold outside that I was walking as fast as my slippered feet would take me,

whimpering all the while.

Clearly I underestimated how cold a sunny January morning would feel.

While this was a really fabulous Christmas break,

after a few days, I really need my schedule back.

I think the kids get the same way too, even though they would deny it passionately.

I managed to get things straightened up, bills paid etc.

I even got my hair cut!

I want to get back to planning my menus.

It helps me to stay on track and also to use the food that we have in the house

so I'm not tossing things out.

So, here's the plan for the week!

First, the past two days..

Sunday: whole wheat spaghetti with homemade sauce, homemade apple sauce.

Monday: whole grain breaded tilapia, mashed potatoes, fresh pineapple.

Tuesday: angel hair pasta with remaining sauce and homemade turkey meatballs, baby peas.

Wednesday: make-your-own pizzas on flatbreads, homemade applesauce.

Thursday: Crock pot Cream Cheese Ranch chicken, egg noodles, broccoli.

Friday: Chicken and Rice dinner, green beans, peaches.

Saturday: We'll see. I'm out of practice and my brain hurts!

I Want a Do-Over.

2011-01-01T12:47:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning,

remembered what I had been dreaming about

and instantly panicked.

In my dream,

Rob and I were in a funeral home.

We were being taught how to sign off on someone's will.

We were also signing our kids' names on their behalf.

Ugh.

A headache crashed over me as I lay there and considered what a dream like that might mean, especially on the first day of a new year.

I am not superstitious but COME ON!

I WANT A DO-OVER!

Never Forget This Day.

2011-01-01T00:22:00.009-05:00

Never forget this day.

That is what I am thinking to myself in these few minutes past midnight.

I never want to forget this day and how I feel at this moment.

How much fun I had with my family today,

how much I love to see us all together.

I want to remember taking the boys to the "Jump House" and finding that it was over capacity.

Instead of falling apart or melting down, Chris suggested ice skating.

We did that and it was fun and it was perfect.

Then we went to the grocery store and got what the kids had picked for "Wacky Dinner Night."

Kate chose Fruit by the Foot, Chris chose ice cream (and he's such a peacekeeper that he chose Neapolitan so that everyone could have a flavor they liked) and Trey chose a dozen donuts from Dunkin Donuts.

I want to remember going to the Midnight at Seven celebration for the first time.

Eating plates of hot pasta in a heated tent,

then starting to walk through the light display, while our breath puffed clouds in the air.

I never want to forget putting a blanket down in the grass and dirt, right there in the middle of all the lights that we have driven through every Christmas Eve since Kate was a toddler.

We lay on the blanket and watched fireworks rain down on us in blinding flashes of color.

The loud BOOMS mingled with our gasps of wonder and delight.

It was incredible and quite honestly, tucked in this pack of children that my husband and I created, it felt holy.

I don't want to forget finishing our walk through the lights,

the kids wearing Happy New Year hats, blowing noise makers and whirling little clickety-clack doohickeys.

I want to remember playing Bananagrams at the table while enjoying a late-night Wacky Dinner,

followed by wild, energy-burning Ripstick and Razor trike races in the basement.

I want to remember a never-ending game of Trouble in the den while watching the last hour before the ball dropped.

And I never, ever want to forget the ball dropping, and running outside with noisemakers and pots and spoons, cheering and ushering in the New Year with the four people on this planet that I love the most.

Everything about this day was perfect and right.

I never want to forget this day.

Santa Concerns

2010-12-19T20:15:00.000-05:00

:::Trey, in the kitchen, today:::

"Mom, I still mostly believe in Santa Claus. I mean, I know it might be my parents but I still mostly believe. But can you promise me something?"

Me: "Sure, what is it?"

Trey: "When I'm like 20 and have kids of my own.."

Me: "Let's say 25."

Trey: "Mom. Mom, listen. Okay, 25. When I'm 25 and I have kids, if it's the parents will you tell me by then so that my kids will have Christmas presents cause otherwise I won't know to give them anything."

Me: "Sure, Trey, no problem."

:::fade out:::

Reflections

2010-12-15T08:45:00.002-05:00

Sometimes when I think of my children,

I wonder what they will remember of their childhoods.

After all, so much of what I do with them is the day to day, routine moments..

necessary to be sure but also highly forgettable.

I know there are certain things they love to do,

traditions that have been created either purposefully or inadvertently, that they cling to.

"But we HAVE to do (xyz) because we did it LAST year and it's a TRADITION!"

I find that the kids are much more wed to doing things the same than we are-

they have designated seats at the table and kitchen island, and even in the van

and these were never assigned to them that way.

Somewhere along the way, by some unspoken mutual agreement, it became known

amongst the three and it became law.

Kids are funny like that. They spend their time pushing against rules and boundaries

(some more than others..) but then they create all kinds of rules and rituals for themselves.

When I think of memories from my childhood, I find them to be a mix of the extraordinary and the mundane.

The day to day type memories of breakfast and dinners together,

John Denver, Linda Ronstadt, Willy Nelson or Simon and Garfunkel playing on my parents' stereo,

watching TV in the family room,

my mom and then my brother driving me to school each day.

Then, there's the extraordinary:

My mom baking special cakes for our birthdays, or those cool ice-cream-cone-cupcake ones for me to take to school, or homemade fudge to take on a field trip.

My dad taking me to a country festival in Texas, where George Strait sang The Fireman and George "The Possum" Jones didn't show up,

and most awesomely of all, my mom's great big surprise..

One day in high school, I was called to come to the office, packed and ready to leave for the day.

As I walked down the hall, I wracked my brain.

Did I have an appointment I had forgotten about? Had something awful happened?

My mom met me in the office and revealed a huge surprise when we got in the car.

We had tickets to go to Dallas, TX. We were going to see BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN in concert!

She had acquired very hard to get tickets to see The Boss during his Born in America concert tour.

What a surprise! Made even more special by the fact that it was for no reason at all.

I have another friend who would call the school office once a year

and tell them that her daughter had a fever.

Then, she would hang up the phone and she and her daughter would shout "SHOPPING FEVER!" Off they would go for a day on the town, illicit and wonderful.

I think the time is coming for me to pop a few big surprises of my own..

A Story of Love and Hope- and a GIVEAWAY!

2010-11-09T12:30:00.003-05:00

We've always been a dog family.

The first dog I had growing up was my parents'.

It was a Spitz and a feisty white dog he was.

He took no crap from anyone!

As he got older, he would let me rock him and sing to him..

I think he was probably just too old and tired to even try to get away

from me anymore. And how I loved having him be my "baby!"

In later years, I've had a Brittany Spaniel, two Standard Poodles,

a West Highland Terrier and our current dog, a Bernese Mountain dog.

All these pets had qualities that met some deep need in us,

whether it was someone to offer us unconditional love and comfort,

protection, warmth in our laps on a cold day,

a non-judgmental ear or fur to cry in.

-------------

Recently, I was sent a book to read and review.

I was thrilled to accept the book because it was about an autistic boy and his dog.

As a special educator who had a keen interest in the field of autism,

I try to read many memoirs related to that field

And let me tell you, this one was quite exceptional.

"Cowboy and Wills: A Love Story" by Monica Holloway is an easy to read book

about a young boy named Wills and his dog, a Golden they named Cowboy.

The writer opens her book by detailing the day after her three year old son

was diagnosed with autism. I was immediately drawn in by her style of writing-

easy, approachable, friendly and REAL.

Every little while, there would be a welcome picture of Wills or of Cowboy.

Her efforts to help her son, the finding of Cowboy and the deep, abiding love

that developed between Wills and Cowboy will draw you in and rest in your heart.

I was brought to laughter several times and moved to tears more often than I'd like to share.

As the book came to close, I read more slowly, just trying to make it last

and when it finally ended, I closed it with a sigh of contentment

and made room for it on my shelf of "Books to Keep."

----------------

But don't be sad.. even though I won't give you MY copy,

I *do* have TWO copies of Cowboy and Wills to give away!

If you'd like to be in the running,

leave a comment on my blog and I'll toss your name into the hat.

You can leave a comment until Friday, November 12 at noon EST.

Good luck!

PS- Share this blog entry link on your Facebook page and come back and let me know in the comments to get another entry!

We're in a Happy Place

2010-11-03T16:58:00.003-04:00

I am happy.

It's a wonderful thing to be able to say that

and I'm not sure that I stop to think it or say it often enough.

I have a tendency to just float blithely along

and then when things aren't so good, I have plenty to say about it.

Today I am making a conscious decision to make note

that in November of 2010,

things are really, really good.

Kate is in her sophomore year of high school and doing really well.

She's active and involved and happy. She has nice friends,

has her head on straight, is clearheaded and is doing well in her academics.

She is not an unpleasant teen and is generally nice to her brothers.

For a fifteen year old daughter, she is so much better than I dreamed she would be.

Chris is in sixth grade and absolutely rocking it.

It isn't just his grades- we expected him to do well since we kept him back this year.

It is in his demeanor and his confidence and his renewed smile and easygoing nature.

He is learning a new instrument (French Horn), plays basketball every morning before school

and enjoys his peers both at school and at church.

He just finished Fall Baseball and will be starting Upward Basketball shortly.

Trey is also doing better than I could have imagined.

He has embraced the screen time limits I imposed

and he is undoubtedly so much better for it.

He and Chris spend a lot of time outside

and he also is spending time building, drawing and even reading.

Both he and Chris pack their lunches daily now

and Trey is really good about doing his homework independently

and without being told.

He is taking the Bass for Orchestra and puts forth good effort.

Rob just moved offices within his local office for his Firm,

which is a great opportunity.

He still commutes to work three days a week for now

but it is a schedule we have all grown accustomed to.

I use the nights he is gone to do meals he doesn't like

or breakfast dinners or leftover smorgasbords.

I'm happy because I am blessed, because my family is operating smoothly and well.

As soon as we get this gas line in place, I will be really excited!

Holiday prep is starting up

and it's one of my favorite times of year.

So there you go,

a happy post through and through.

I hope you are in a happy place too!

After all, you aren't aluminum foil!

2010-11-01T11:33:00.004-04:00

Over the past year and a half,

I have been making changes in our lifestyle.

I've changed the way we eat,

I've changed the way we spend money (and save it)

and I've moved away from chemicals in our cleaning and in relation to our bodies.

I'll cover the eating, cleaning and money changes in later posts

but today I wanted to touch on something we all use.. deodorant!

I've been having a problem for a few years now

and it has been steadily getting worse.

Traditional deodorants make me itchy.

VERY itchy. And that is very uncomfortable!

Not to mention, looking at the long list of ingredients in a deodorant

or antiperspirant is a pretty scary thing.

Long lists of chemical names that can't be pronounced.

Among them, particularly in antiperspirants, is aluminum.

Did you know that besides causing a reaction in folks like me,

aluminum has been linked (albeit sometimes tenuously)

with Alzheimer's and breast cancer?

Whether or not these links truly exist,

I'd prefer to keep as few chemicals off my body as possible,

which is why I began to research how to make homemade, natural deodorant.

I found a recipe that used traditional items found in my kitchen.

After mixing it up, I began to use it.

Its been about a week and I can declare my experiment to be an unmitigated SUCCESS!

The recipe is as follows:

Mix baking soda and corn starch.

That's it!

Now, baking soda can be an irritant to some people

and, of course, I found myself on that list in short order.

If you don't have sensitive skin, you can mix your deodorant in a 1 to 1 ratio

of 1 TB baking soda to 1 TB corn starch.

I moved to a 1 TB baking soda to 4 TB corn starch and so far that seems to be going well.

Others have moved to using up to 6 TB corn starch to 1 TB baking soda.

I have absolutely ZERO underarm odor.. and no itchies either!

If you find traditional deodorants cause problems for you

or if you want to move to a more natural solution,

give it a try.

What have you got to lose?

A Series of Random Thoughts

2010-10-28T13:54:00.003-04:00

With my kids gone at school most of the time,

most of my blog fodder has dried up.

After all, there is only so much I can say about menu planning

and who really wants to hear about the boring, mundane,

day to day tasks of my life?

Right now, focus has been on getting this freaking gas line installed.

Honestly, if I worked a full time job, I would probably have been fired by now

for all the work time I would have missed.

Just this week, I have been here four days for inspector visits

and contractor fix-its.

-----------------

The Apprentice:

I'm sitting here catching up on missed episodes while waiting for the inspector.

Can I just say that there is no way I would have survived in the Corporate world?

These people are just RUTHLESS and will turn on each other in a second

and rip their peers' jugular right out of their neck.

This is everything I DON'T like to see in people that I surround myself with.

GLEE:

I love the music on this show but really, I don't like how hard they are pushing every boundary imaginable.

What worries me is that there are probably plenty of boundaries

I haven't even imagined!

The free-for-all, emotionless "hook-ups", regardless of relationship, love or gender

is really starting to get on my nerves.

It's hard to balance letting your teen watch something that is popular

with something that is so utterly valueless.

Thus far she seems to be holding her own on understanding it is far-fetched and campy.

Gorgeous Fall Days

2010-10-17T20:37:00.005-04:00

The weather here lately has been absolutely GORGEOUS!

There is nothing like the mid-Atlantic in the Fall.

The temperatures are warm but not hot during the day

and cool in the evening- perfect for sleeping.

Leaves are changing colors- reds, oranges, yellows in every imaginable shade

and then twirling to the ground like a gentle rainstorm.

Along the curbs, they have dried out, so that as you walk you get to enjoy

the pleasing :::crunch, crunch, crunch::: under your feet.

Pumpkins are out, mums are in bloom and I LOVE FALL!

------------------------

The menu plan went really well this week.

The only thing I did not make was the teriyaki chicken;

I pushed that off until next week because the guys were scarfing up chips, salsa, queso and guac during the football games and I figured after all that,

they could not possibly be hungry.

So we just had pizza.

Here's our menu plan for the week:

Monday: Teriyaki chicken, rice, veg.

Tuesday: Artichoke pasta

Wednesday: Breakfast supper

Thursday: Mock chicken-pot-pie over egg noodles

Friday: Salsa chicken soft tacos

Saturday: Leftovers

That Scowly Guy

2010-10-13T18:58:00.003-04:00

Earlier this evening I was giving Trey his practice spelling test.

Me: "Scowl."

Trey: ..???..

Me: "Don't SCOWL at me while I talk to you."

Trey: ... "SCOWL? ..Like Simon Scowl from American Idol?"

Randomness and MPM

2010-10-11T22:07:00.003-04:00

This is an emptying-of-my-head kind of blog post,

a total stream of consciousness.

You'll either like it or hate it but this is how it sounds inside my head.

-----------

Kate is taking the PSAT day after tomorrow.

This is so bizarre to me.

I remember taking the SAT (not so much the PSAT although I know I did)

and obviously, it has major repercussions regarding the next stages of her life.

I am well aware that colleges are much more competitive than they were when I went

and I have also been becoming sadly aware at the absolutely outrageous costs of a college education, particularly a private one.

When Kate was starting high school,

I starting talking to her a lot about college.

Serious conversations and did I say a lot? How about too much?

She made is abundantly clear that I needed to back off and back off I have.

In fact, I stepped back so much as to not say much of anything when the PSAT was coming around, even when I saw that the prep materials I had bought and made available hadn't been touched since June.

I hope she does well. Well enough to feel proud but not so well that she won't want to prep and kick it up a notch before it really counts.

-------------------

So Trey came home today and was in TEARS.

This is not a frequent occurrence.

Long story short, he has been accused of something (relatively minor, IMO)

by the bus driver and was told he would be called to go to the principal tomorrow.

According to Trey, he didn't do it.

He was crushed; he is not a get-sent-to-the-principal kind of kid.

He told me his rendition of what happened, then I called the mom of the little fellow he hangs out with on the bus and told her to question him. He corroborated Trey's story.

So, since I have to be at Trey's school in the morning to drop off his bass,

I'll meet up with the bus driver and we'll have a little chat.

Good times.

I wonder how old I'll have to get before the thought of this kind of thing doesn't make me feel sick to my stomach.

---------------------

My brother and SIL are 9 days from having their new little baby, and I will have my seventh niece or nephew! I suspect a girl but we will see. They didn't do a poll this time but I am guessing FOR THE RECORD, MICHELLE! a girl (on the 20th) that is 9 pounds, 3 ounces and 20.5 inches long.

Little brother Nathaniel will be turning two only a couple of weeks later.

I expect they will be very busy in the months to come but they will absolutely die with joy watching a relationship develop between those two. I will forever remember Chris's adoring eyes watching every move his sister made. The sun rose and fell on her, according to him. It was lovely to watch.

(until it changed and they all started to bicker.. oops, did I say that?!)

---------------------

Time for another menu plan.

We've had a few freakishly warm October days here,

which is both good and bad.

Good, because we still don't have a gas line run to the house yet so we don't have a major heat source to the house.

Bad because I have been jonesing to make some great stews and chowders but it just doesn't feel cool enough yet.

However, it looks to cool down by about 20 degrees by Wednesday so I'll plan some Fall comfort food meals for later in the week.

I also have my sweet Dad's visit to look forward to later in the week as well!

Monday (we had): chicken enchiladas and chicken and cheese quesadillas, broccoli, raspberries.

Tuesday: turkey/beef meat loaf, garlic potatoes, peas.

Wednesday: Vegetarian baked ziti.

Thursday: Sunday Night Beef Stew with biscuits.

Friday: Parmesan Tilapia, salad, rice, corn.

Saturday: Teriyaki chicken, rice, veg.

Sunday: Leftovers or take out.

-------------------

Special healing prayers to Annie and Gina. xoxo

Unplugged

2010-09-30T20:53:00.003-04:00

By and large, I believe I am a pretty good parent.

I do all the usual things that most involved parents do:

get involved in the kids' schools, spend time with my kids,

transport them to their activities, monitor their lives.

However, there has been one area that I have struggled with

and that is limiting my kids' access to electronics.

In some ways, it has been purposeful:

I feel that after a day of being at school,

"chillaxing" with a tv show or two, or playing the Wii

or whatever is fine for a time.

With my older two, this wasn't a problem.

However, with my youngest, being able to "turn off" the electronics

was an issue.

And because he also tended to be my most active, least focused

and most likely to require my attention kid, I let it go.

As long as he was getting his schoolwork done, I didn't monitor it much.

But deep inside, I knew I was being lazy.

I knew that he could probably do better in his schoolwork

and I knew that this child who didn't really like to read probably would read more

without the competition from the TV and video games.

Last week, after the lying episode, I imposed the consequence that hits Trey the hardest:

I took away all his screen time from that Wednesday until Saturday.

No TV, no DS, no Wii, no computer. Nothing.

The change in him was nothing short of remarkable.

What I saw was this nervous energy in him just dissipate.

It was almost like this constant refrain in his head of wanting to get

to whatever the electronic thing just evaporated

and suddenly, he was able to do so much more.

I know this isn't rocket science.

Most of you are probably thinking "Well, DUH."

But really, it was much more of a profound change than just saying

he had nothing else to do.

It was as if all the noise in his brain just shut off.

Like he was coming out of a hibernation and was blinking into the sun.

I had no idea how much the CONCEPT of playing electronics had been affecting him.

After seeing this, I had no choice but to make a change in our home.

Effective this week, there is no electronic usage before 7 PM.

Then, assuming all homework has been done and approved,

chores done, dinner eaten, showers taken and teeth are brushed,

then electronics are allowed until reading time at 8 PM.

I am really so pleased at this change in him.

I am disappointed in myself for not doing something sooner

but glad that I am able to change this course while he is still young.

Life Lesson and Menu Plan Monday

2010-09-26T16:28:00.004-04:00

Last week was a rough one.

Rob was gone for five days, which left a lot of juggling

of kids' schedules and activities.

I've felt like I have had a low-level illness just below the surface,

culminating in cold sores and swollen glands but no discernible cause,

just a general feeling of malaise!

And one more word: STINKBUGS!

--------------------

Yesterday at Chris's baseball game,

I felt like I took one of those brief trips through time.

You know the kind, when phases of your kid's life

flash through your mind in chronological order.

Chris is playing at the Majors now and the field is large.

Finally, he is in the type of field where he can smack the ball

almost to the fences and still only get to first base or maybe second.

It is a whole new world.

I left the field to get him food from the snack bar

and as I walked, I passed one of the smaller fields.

This is where he has been playing the last few years,

where he learned to pitch and where he got hit by many other kids learning to pitch!

Then I walked past one of the teeny-tiny fields and I was overcome with the memory

of a white blonde little sprite.

I could remember seeing that tiny body at the plate, clutching his bat.

I stood for a moment and watched.

A coach gently lobbed an underhand ball to a tiny boy standing at the plate,

wielding a bat nearly as long as his torso.

The boy swung wildly and missed.

In the field, some small boys were running in circles in the dirt,

totally unaware of any activity happening in the game.

Others were actively digging in the dirt with their shoes,

some had abandoned their positions all together

and one was wearing a glove on his face!

I chuckled to myself as I walked on,

the voices of the parents calling to their children to

PAY ATTENTION!

GET THAT GLOVE OFF YOUR FACE!

I guess that is a lesson I need to learn:

what seems so important, so essential at any given time

is just a step on a very long road of development..

and to allow some fun and laughter along the way.

-------------------------

We did really well following the menu plan last week,

which is especially awesome given that Rob was gone.

Hopefully this week will go as smoothly.

Monday: Teriyaki chicken, rice, broccoli

Tuesday: Spaghetti with Turkey meatballs and tomato veggie sauce

Wednesday: Grilled cheese and homemade tomato soup

Thursday: Leftovers smorgasboard

Friday through Sunday:

Leeann out of town (GIRLS WEEKEND WHOOOOOOT!!)

Rob to do burgers one night, Dad's choice one night.

His Nose is Several Inches Longer Today

2010-09-22T09:27:00.003-04:00

There is little that I like less than a lying kid

and thus, I scored big on the lottery

and managed to snag a few of them.

Truth be told (get it? aren't I funny?)

Kate is a very honest kid.

Very rarely is she deceptive any more.

Well, either that or she has honed her skills to the point

that I don't even realize I'm being lied to.

Chris is prone to panic lying.

He has been making efforts to stop doing this,

which I appreciate because if I have to go through the

"You always get in more trouble for lying than just telling the truth"

spiel one more time, I think I will explode all over the kitchen ceiling.

Fast forward to today

and the newest version of panic lying,

this time starring the caboose of the family.

"Trey, I'd like to look over your math and spelling from last night."

He gets out his math while telling me he didn't have any spelling homework.

"Really? I thought you had spelling homework every day."

His eyes slide to the side as he shifts restlessly.

"Um, she said we didn't have to do it."

"Hmmm. That's odd. Let me see your assignment book."

He clutches the assignment book tightly to his chest

as his head shakes rapidly from side to side.

"I didn't write in it. We don't have to."

At this point, I am caught in the emotions I often find myself feeling with this last boy:

I simultaneously want to shake him til his teeth rattle and also laugh at his obvious panic.

It is starting to dawn on him that his Mom might be on to his lie

and he is silently freaking out.

"Give me your assignment book, Trey."

He hands it over and I open it.

"Hmmmm. It says ABC order right here on Tuesday. For spelling."

"It does?" His voice comes out as a squeak.

The jig is up.

"Trey, you had spelling homework. You knew you had spelling homework.

Why didn't you do it? Why were you lying to me about it?"

Quivering chin, tear filled eyes.

He opens his mouth and chokes out the words, hands scrubbing his eyes.

"I forgot my spelling journal at school again and I know I forgot it yesterday too and you took me to get it and I knew you would be mad at me for forgetting it again..."

He has a point.

I would have been pissed.

There would have been a lecture about responsibility and being in third grade etc etc.

But now he's gone and done it.

Now there will be TWO lectures and I just don't have time for that when the bus is coming in ten minutes.

A quick, bullet point lecture:

* It's always better to tell the truth than to lie and then face consequences for both.

*I always love it, even when I am angry or disappointed in something you've done.

*Trust is important.

So now I gotta come up with consequences

and rehash this in the afternoon.

Hopefully this phase with him will be short-lived.

Mom's Trick

2010-09-19T21:35:00.003-04:00

(Menu plan at bottom of post)

------------------------------

Having boys is nothing if not endlessly entertaining.

I'm driving along the other day

and Trey is looking at one of those books my boys pore over constantly:

World Records or Amazing Facts

or Inhuman and Gross Acts You Too Can Do With Your Body Parts.

(I jest!)

(But I bet your boys would LOVE a book like that though, right?)

Anyway, next thing you know, he's asking me if I can drink milk through my nose.

"Um, no.. but I've had it come out of my nose before when I was a kid

and I would start laughing," I told him.

Unimpressed, he told me that some people can drink with their noses

and that SOME people can make the milk come out of their EYES!

I swear, I nearly wrecked the car imagining milk shooting

out of my kid's eyes!

I told him I had a neat trick *I* could do with my nose

and that I would show him later, when we got home.

Well, he could hardly stand it.

He had to know what I could do.

So tonight at dinner he suddenly remembered

and nearly fell out of his chair in his excitement

as he reminded me.

So up the stairs we went, Chris following right behind.

I played up the mysterious nose trick I was about to perform

and they were both beside themselves.

I brought them up to the bathroom and pulled out my "magic pot"..

to people who watch Dr. Oz, you will know it as a Neti Pot.

I explained that I could make salt water go into one part of my nose,

up inside my face and then come pouring out of the other side of my nose.

Their eyes nearly popped out of their sockets

while their jaws hung wide open.

I could practically hear them thinking:

NO. WAY. Ewww gross... COOL!

I got the water running warm and added some water and salt to the Neti Pot.

When I leaned over to do the demonstration, there was utter silence,

followed immediately by complete and utter pandemonium

as the water went in, there was a pause

and then the water came trickling out the other side.

I became the coolest nose trick mom of the year! ;-)

I then turned it into a little educational moment

of this being a form of Eastern medicine vs Western Medicine

and that many folks find relief from allergies with this vs. using medication

and how our bodies need salt water and how everything is connected and..and..and...

Then they both tried it.

It was awesome. Trey was scared half to death but he wanted to and he did!

Good Times!

_____________________

Menu Plan

I'm liking being back in the swing of menu planning.

I really do better when I know what's going on each week.

I may not make a meal on a PLANNED day but then I know what's left

to fall back on as the week progresses.

Here's the plan for the week:

Sunday (tonight): Broiled Parmesan tilapia, rice (made double to use in casserole later in the week), and peas

Monday: Quiche and blueberry muffins, strawberries

Tuesday: Chicken cheese casserole, broccoli

Wednesday: Mediterranean flatbread pizzas, applesauce

Thursday: Johnny M Casserole, veg

Friday: Leftovers Buffet

Saturday: TBD.

For many more great menu plans, visit Laura at Orgjunkie.com

What they think, 2010.

2010-09-17T08:00:00.000-04:00

Start of the School Year Kid Interview, 2010.

Favorite Color:

Trey: Blue or red.

Chris: Orange.

Kate: Green.

Favorite Song:

T: Dynamite by Taio Cruz.

C: Let it Be or Imagine.

K: Beautiful by Christina Aguilera or Change by Carrie Underwood.

Favorite TV show:

T: Zeke and Luther.

C: Zeke and Luther.

Kate: Several: Teen Mom, Pretty Little Liars.

Best Friend:

T: Ray.

C: Sarah.

K: Mommy. (no money was paid for that!)

Favorite Movie:

T: Eragon.

C: National Treasure 2.

K: Quest for Camelot.

Favorite Meal:

T: Quiche and blueberry muffins.

C: Pancakes and blueberry muffins and bacon!

K: Artichoke pasta and breaded steak.

Favorite Subject:

T: Math.

C: English.

K: Creative Writing.

Goal in school:

Trey: I don't have any goals yet.

Chris: To make straight A's one quarter and to have an article published in the school newspaper. Kate: To make high honors again and to have a story published in the school Literary magazine.

Best thing about Chris:

Trey said: Without him I would have no one to play with.

Kate said: He is always supportive of me.

Best thing about Kate:

Trey said: When I have a problem, she'll always make me talk to her and then make me feel better.

Chris said: Anytime I have a problem, I can go and talk to her and she'll help me.

Best thing about Trey:

Chris said: How he looks up to me and how he is a good playmate!

Kate said: He's fun.

Hope for our family:

Trey: Greatness.

Chris: That we stay happy.

Kate: That we will grow closer together.

Chris's gift

2010-09-14T23:27:00.003-04:00

Like just about any parent,

I am ridiculously proud of my kids.

They don't even have to be doing much of anything at all

and I still think they're great.

Just by being my children,

they get my love, adoration (perhaps blind adoration!) and esteem.

But every now and again, one of them will do something

that catches me completely by surprise.

At that moment, I see them not as their mother

but as an individual in their own right.

Tonight, my son Chris did something that left me speechless,

profoundly moved and quite literally full of respect

for the steady, kind and compassionate young man that he is becoming.

----------------

We had gone to the viewing of Joe N.

Joe died on Saturday at age 43 of a sudden heart attack,

leaving behind his sixth grade son Joey and his second grade daughter Brooke.

Tragic. Completely tragic.

Joe was one of the assistant coaches on Chris's Padres baseball team

and his son is one of the players on Chris's team.

At their level, your baseball team is similar to a family.

Every spring season the team reconvenes and we spend hours and hours together each week,

huddled under blankets or sweating in the sun.

Same parents, same kids, year after year.

A family.

Big Joe was an enthusiastic coach to say the least.

He was big in every way, from his booming voice

to his face-splitting smile.

------

Rob and I were nervous about Chris going to the viewing.

He is blessed to have experienced very little loss in his life.

He still has two living great grandparents and thankfully, five grandparents as well.

However, he was adamant that he wanted to go to the viewing and support his teammate.

We tried to prepare him for the viewing and explained the procedure:

Walk in, greet the family and express your sympathy,

look at the open casket (or not) and then move on to let others in.

We explained it would be very brief, people would be crying

and that Joey and Brooke might not even be present.

That wasn't how it went at all.

--------------------

We arrived to a PACKED, standing-shoulder-to-shoulder room,

so full we could not even see the front.

Someone was speaking when we arrived so we stayed where we were

and listened.. and cried.

Chris had left us with a quick whisper:

"I'm going to stand with Joey."

I couldn't see him, had no idea where he was in the room,

but when I asked Rob, he said he was fine and with Joey.

The person finished speaking

and Joe's other family members took a turn..

aunt, mother, father, brother.

They asked if others would like to speak and a couple of other men came forward-

a friend, a fellow football coach.

After a pause, a familiar voice rang out

and Rob and I both stiffened with surprise.

---------------

"Hi, my name is Chris .. and Coach Joe was one of my Coaches on the Padres.."

His voice cracked and the tears flowed freely

as his young voice choked out his memories

of a man motivating his team, cheering them on and lifting them up in times of defeat.

"Even if we were losing in the sixth inning, he would encourage us

and remind us to never give up hope.."

Rob and I stood, tears slipping down our cheeks as we listened to our son

offer words of encouragement and love to Joe's family..

and to his children.

--------------

Many more tears were shed as the night went on.

Unlike what I have known of viewings in the past,

this one was more a type of service-

in that following Chris and a couple of more speakers,

we were all invited to sit on the floor

and be a part of the Hindu ritual of preparing the body

for its departure to heaven.

The smell of incense filled the air

as swirling sing-song prayers circled around the room.

Joe's father laid flowers upon his son, sprinkled him with water,

covered him with fragrant herbs.

In closing, the close family went up and one by one put rice

and a flower in his casket, to symbolically provide food and lovely things in heaven.

We were then invited to each do the same.

-----------

As Chris approached, Joe's family members reached out to hug him

and stroke his face.

His words had given them comfort..

and I was grateful to my son for his unexpected gift.

Menu Plan Monday

2010-09-12T21:49:00.002-04:00

Yikes, last week didn't go as well as I had planned.

We ate out a few times.

I need to watch that because I am afraid we are redeveloping some bad habits!

I did, however, make some super-yummy homemade pizzas one night,

to go along with our homemade tomato soup.

I used Mediterranean flat breads and Trader Joe's pizza sauce

to make four small pizzas.

One was plain cheese, one plain pepperoni,

one pepperoni and prosciutto and one was just prosciutto.

All were delicious!

We also had leftovers several times.

Rob and Chris will be out of town Wed and Thurs night

so my menu plan is a little more laid back.

Monday: Glazed salmon, rice, green beans

Tuesday: Crock pot roasted chicken, TJs new tater tots, diced baby carrots

Wednesday: Artichoke pasta (Trey and Kate's fave!)

Thursday: Breakfast supper: waffles and bacon

Friday: Pasta with mama sauce

Saturday: Out to dinner

For more great menu ideas, join Laura over at orgjunkie.com!

Menu Plan for the Week

2010-09-07T10:00:00.000-04:00

I've gotten so far out of the habit of menu planning

that it is not even funny.

It shows in our checkbook and on our waistlines.

Not that school is back in swing

and I feel like I have a schedule again,

here is our menu for the week!

Monday:

Went out to eat.

Tuesday:

Breakfast supper.

Wednesday:

Hosting Bunco. Will eat what I prepare to serve!

Thursday:

Artichoke and prosciutto pasta

Friday:

Glazed salmon, new potatoes, a veg.

Saturday:

Steak, potatoes, veg.

Swinging away from Vacation for a Minute

2010-09-06T20:39:00.005-04:00

Okay, so I'm not done covering Martha's Vineyard yet,

much less the short trip to Atlanta,

but I feel like I need to catch up on current news first.

The kids had their first day of school a few days back.

As always, I took their picture on the first day.

Trey's first day:

With his brother accompanying him to the bus stop:

Chris and Kate's first day:

Here's hoping to a great school year for them all!

All This Gingerbread is Making Me Hungry!

2010-09-02T20:23:00.004-04:00

Like my friend Natalie,

I love Gingerbread houses.

I love Victorian houses as well.

For some reason, I am just drawn to them

and their beauty and whimsy.

Let me tell you something:

Martha's Vineyard is a Gingerbread House lovers DREAM!

After dropping by as a whole group on the first day,

I knew I had to go back.

My SIL Michelle and Kate came along with me

while I OOHed and AAHed.

Honestly, I could have stayed for another hour, at least.

They are like little fantasy houses.

Like this one.. the Wizard of Oz gingerbread house.

Can you find three Wizard of Oz characters hidden here?

Another whimsical house:

And a whimsical girl!

Martha's Vineyard

2010-09-01T22:48:00.004-04:00

Toward the end of July,

the time had come to head to Martha's Vineyard.

I could hardly wait.

The Nantucket/Martha's Vineyard area had been on my bucket list

of places I wanted to go and see.

I had planned and made lists ad nauseum

and finally the day was nearly here.

Bags were packed the night before

and Rob loaded all the stuff into the "family truckster."

We had it packed to the brim.

The next morning, we left right on time, a little after 8 AM.

I was anticipating a drive of about nine hours to the Ferry

and our Ferry reservations were for 8:30 PM so I wasn't concerned at all.

After all, that allowed for three hours of stops etc.

BIG MISTAKE.

I should, apparently, have been REALLY CONCERNED

because we barely made the Ferry.

I was WORRIED. SICK.

Truly. I had no idea what would happen if we missed the Ferry.

It had been overbooked and waitlisted for MONTHS.

Fortunately we made it to the Ferry with not one minute to spare

and arrived on the Island around 10 PM.

It had been a LONG day.

It was night when we arrived but here is a view of the house we rented

when it was light:

My brother Richard had already arrived,

along with his wife Michelle and my nephew Nathaniel.

Nathaniel is just a DOLL

and my brother, well, he's just odd.

One of the first things we did that week

was take a walk over to the "Methodist Campground,"

which is a bunch of Gingerbread Houses surrounding

a Tabernacle building.

I love Gingerbread houses!

and here's the Tabernacle:

We then walked over to Circuit Avenue,

where a lot of the shops and restaurants are,

and had a nice lunch.

Later that day we headed over to the beach.

Most of the beaches at Martha's Vineyard are quite calm.

The first day we went to State Beach, which is one of the calm ones.

More to come.. later.

A Big Fat Kick in the ASS

2010-09-01T21:47:00.001-04:00

Doesn't take much to get old folks stirred up now, does it?

This is an email I got tonight from my Dad.

Enjoy; the pleasure's all mine.

Love ya, Dad!

-----------------

Your faithful readers demand more blogs. We object to the decline in bloggings. We have been faithful readers of occasionally wonderful, often entertaining or enlightening or thoughtful, very occasionally uh uh well ok.

Your lack o blogging has been noted. We, the blog readers, give you fair warning!!! Blog or we will remove youy from our "bookmarks" or "favorites" or "favored website" or

Be warmed!!!!

The watch owl is watching!!